The top 100... in no particular order...

Blame it on Jenn! This is Jenn's fault!

She recently posted a "Top 100 things about me" entry and, to show her I can't be outdone, I just had to do it, too.

Are you sitting down?

This may take a while.

...

1. I’m very insecure.
2. I’m way too fat. Someone stop me!
3. I love writing and everything about it. I love working as a writer, even if I’ve never been published.
4. Acting in my own plays was the most amazing thing I think I’ve ever done.
5. Sex. It’s a good thing.
6. Vicky is the most horrible person to be married to sometimes and I’m thankful for every minute of it.
7. I dwell a lot on the past.
8. I think, deep down, people think of me as a loser and a louse. I think that’s one reason why I always try to do the right thing and better myself. Sadly, this isn’t helping change this belief.
9. I want to act again, more than anything else. But I just don’t have the time and I’m still way too fat.
10. I’ve never gone to my high school reunions because I’m afraid everyone will judge me. I don’t think I ever measured up to the expectations placed upon me back then.
11. I often think about Rosa. I wish I could have made things work there and, simultaneously, married Vicky. Thanks to multi-dimensional physics, this could have already happened.
12. I miss a lot of people – people I’ve known and people I still know but don’t talk to enough. I have a hard time letting go of people in my life.
13. I wrote one book before My Side, my first novel. You never hear me talk about it because Rosa lost my only copy. It’s the “Lost Novel”.
14. Every morning, I watch Vicky sleep as I’m getting ready to go and think about how much I love her.
15. I’m not as good a writer as I wish I was.
16. I was once the youngest child and, thanks to my brothers (Dwight and Richard), am now the middle child.
17. Sometimes, I think about the child Rosa aborted. I think about what he/she would have been like and where that kid would be. He/she would be nearly 10 years old now.
18. I’m more at peace now than at any other time in my life – believe it or not.
19. I had amnesia once. I lost about ten years of my life. Nobody believed me and I had to find my way back to myself all alone. (At the time, Tim Murphy said he believed me but, based on what I’ve since heard, I think he was just humoring me.)
20. I’ve appeared in all of my books.
21. Clostio and I once wrote a short story together. That was the only thing I didn’t write alone.
22. I think it’s cool that I inspired Jenn to blog.
23. Wil Wheaton is my personal, “positive-thinking” guru… he doesn’t know it…
24. I still amaze at how my mom handled me as a kid. I was the poster-child for ADD.
25. I secretly wonder if I blew it by leaving Linksys.
26. I feel immense guilt about… everything. For instance, I feel guilty that I sometimes think about Rosa, even though I’m totally devoted to Vicky.
27. I envy the ability of religious people to devote themselves to ideas not their own.
28. I am a highly spiritual person. I just wish I devoted more time to it.
29. I’m not as smart as I think.
30. I’m ugly. ‘Nuff said.
31. Hiking sucks. It’s hard. It’s so much work. And it’s one of the most truly amazing ways to spend one’s day.
32. I have a heart of playdough.
33. I tried a variety of sports as a kid – baseball, track, tennis, racquetball – but could never really enjoy them.
34. I don’t enjoy myself at most anything. I always suffer from performance anxiety.
35. I enjoy being educated.
36. I loathe insensitivity.
37. I once believed I had superhuman powers. Honest to shit. This was shortly before my first nervous breakdown.
38. I love getting email.
39. I love engaging with people, finding out how they feel about things.
40. When I was on Match.com, one of my questions was, “What are you most passionate about?” Hardly anyone could answer – how sad is that?
41. I rode a motorcycle for seven years and fucking loved it!
42. I used to be deathly afraid of dogs.
43. I’m a cat person. My favorite cat of all time was Mia, a cat we had when I was a kid. She and I were totally simpatico – we groked each other.
44. I used to keep hamsters and loved them. Now, they annoy me.
45. I had a lizard once. I named him Jaws. My mom hated him. I’d hand-feed him meal-worms. He died a few days before I realized he was dead… I thought he was sleeping…
46. I was once a devout Christian. I still think Christianity is an interesting idea with a fundamentally positive message. But Christians ruined that.
47. I crave physical attention. Freud says I should blame my mother.
48. I use to lie… a lot… a whole lot.
49. I used to steal a lot. I broke into a house once. After, I realized that if I kept going that way, I’d be in big trouble. I stopped, not because I got caught, but because I didn’t get caught.
50. Halfway there and I realize this is really hard!
51. My shattered arm still causes me problems.
52. When they set my shattered arm, my doctor was amazed that I didn’t puke or pass out. It was a moment to remember, that I’m stronger than I think.
53. I’m a mass of contradictions.
54. I can’t spell for shit. Don’t ask for my help!
55. I love math. When I was in elementary school, I used to get math awards. How’d I ended up being a writer, again?
56. When I was in elementary school, I was the star of the school. Teachers would ask me to come do skits for their classes (while I was supposed to be in class)! That’s how I ended up in this whole writer/actor thing!
57. My first crush was with Lisa Nelson, in the second grade. She was adorable.
58. In the seventh grade, I lost the election for Treasurer of our student body to Lisa Nelson. I lost because I froze up during my campaign speech before the school. I never froze up on stage ever again.
59. My first, best friend was George Sushkoff, who I met in elementary school. He was the fat kid and I was the skinny kid. We used to play as superheroes: FartMan and FartBoy. (I was Fartman.) I miss him greatly, of course.
60. I met George in “Developmental Primary”, a class in which I was held back between Kindergarten and First Grade. I was held back for kissing girls… the bastards.
61. In the fourth and fifth grades, I had the same teacher, Mrs. Coleman. She used to teach us how to square dance and I was good enough (or bad enough) to be an alternate on our square dancing… what? Team? We danced at the Anaheim Convention Center. One of the kids couldn’t make it so I got to dance with Linda Vavra… a true, blonde hottie.
62. In the fourth grade, in a state-wide talent competition, I won 2nd place in a comedy competition. I wrote the sketch myself and performed it with a guy named Donald. The theme of the competition was history. Mine ended with the lines: “Give me liberty or give me death!” “Will that be for here or to go?”
63. My second crush was on Tammy Philbrick, in the fourth grade. I was fortunate enough to know her until high school, when I got to see her as a real person and not worry too much about never having dated her.
64. Tammy Philbrick later vowed revenge on me when I played a practical joke on her. To my knowledge, she’s still waiting.
65. In Junior High, I was the shy, quiet kid. I never spoke up. I wasn’t popular. But I was able to find myself after sixth and seventh grade and leave that phase behind before leaving Carr Intermediate.
66. I started writing at a young age and was often told, by my mom, not to do it because I would get discouraged. I did get discouraged – but fuck that.
67. I started writing my first newspaper column in my junior year of high school. Tim Murphy told me at the time that he that it was a stupid idea. The column’s name was My Side.
68. My first job was at Del Taco.
69. My first date was with a girl from Del Taco, Michelle Hadden. I was told that she was easy. Our date was to see “Time Bandits” (yes, that long ago) and I could barely get the nerve up to kiss her. I did… I still wish I could apologize and show her that I did get better.
70. I am a phenomenal kisser, according to many of the women with whom I’ve acted (on and off the stage).
71. I’ve been in one movie. I loved it. I hated it.
72. The first play I was in was called “JOY: A Christmas Rock Musical”. I’ll give you a minute to stop laughing. I was cast as one of the leads but all of my singing was taken away from me because my singing sucked. I told the musical director, Mr. Palacio, that if he let me keep the parts, I’d do him proud. I did.
73. In my sophomore year of high school, the “star” of the school’s stage took me aside and told me he was handing the reins off to me.
74. I’ve had people tell me they wish they could be as good an actor as I am… I don’t get it.
75. I used to think I was truly amazing on stage. I got over myself.
76. I was inspired to write my first book by a guy named Roy, in high school. The guy wrote amazing stuff. Cocky bastard that I was, I said, “I can do that.” I’ve spent years trying to prove it.
77. I never acted while I was married to Rosa. Since Vicky and I got married, I haven’t acted… coincidence?
78. My first book took me nearly four years to write.
79. My last book took me four months. It was better than my first book.
80. When I had my first kiss with Vicky, she put her hand behind my head and pulled me in. It was an amazing move. She’s never done it since. I just get one?
81. I’ve only had one nickname: Dr. T. (Let’s just say it refers to my tongue…)
82. When I play a character, I become so submersed (worse than immersed) that I start thinking and feeling like the character. This has had some bad repercussions – I dated a girl name Julie, and fell madly in love with her, thanks to playing her husband – in my last play, I think I got a little too intense during a fight scene because I really wanted to kill this person. It’s also had some good repercussions. My friend, Stephanie. I cherish her – though we hardly ever talk – because I got to work with her in so many different plays (mostly written by me).
83. In my last play in high school, Skin of Our Teeth, we had one night where everything went wrong. That was the most amazing performance ever – cause I really had to work!
84. In the first performance of Skin of Our Teeth, I got a standing ovation before I was even on stage. During a slide show, my picture came up – standing ovation. It was sublime.
85. I love watching old tapes of my performances. I crack myself up – even when it’s not a comedy!
86. I am the foremost expert on all things Ken. I am fascinated with myself. Call me egotistical but I think anyone who doesn’t know themselves extremely well is wasting a supreme opportunity.
87. I want to grow my hair long and shave off this damned facial hair.
88. I want Vicky and I to be more active after her surgery. I want to go walking at night. I want to exercise together. Are you listening, Vicky?
89. Movies amaze me.
90. I love World of Warcraft! I have a character in every race and class. My account runs out in July and I – I – whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!
91. I’m more comfortable with women than with men… you know… you can have sex with them. (Oh, I’m just kidding!)
92. When I was a kid, I used to build tents in the back yard of our house and camp out during the summer. My mom thought this was cute and she’d bring me “supplies”.
93. We had a huge ash tree in my back yard and I used to design elaborate pulley systems for pulling myself up. But I didn’t understand the physics behind it – damned physics.
94. Three of my favorite subjects today are philosophy, history, and, um, physics. (I’ll get it right one day!)
95. My first CD was “Time Passages” by Al Stewart. Yes. I said it.
96. The most horrible day of my life – so far – was the day I spent in court against Rosa. I’ve never been made to feel so small and worthless.
97. My second most horrible day was the day I knew I’d lost her.
98. The best day in my life was the day I met Vicky. Bar none. Better even than my wedding day, which was pretty fucking incredible.
99. I’d say I think about Vicky, oh…. Ten times an hour. Not just little thoughts, either… sometimes I just stare off into space!
100. I love to sing. I love to laugh. I love to eat. I love to talk. I love to write. I love to live. Life is good… more or less.