This is one of those One Paths that I had to think about for a while before writing it. It's bound to make some people say, "Oh God, is he still on that!" I'm afraid the answer is yes... but I should tell you what this is about first... (I said I thought about it. I didn't say I knew how to put it!)
You see, I'm getting the look again.
What look? The look!
I got it before, back when Rosa and I were together. We'd visit with her friends and they'd give me this look that said, "Aw, isn't he a sweetheart? He's such a good husband." Sometimes, the look would even say, "Maybe if I gave my husband a transfusion with his blood..."
Back then, I'd eat this shit up. I loved being the husband everyone wanted... even if Rosa didn't. I loved being admired for something that came so easily to me.
But you long-time readers know how that turned out. In the final analysis, I wasn't the perfect husband. My marriage was not that enviable. I failed - and it took me five years to be able to live with that.
And now, it's happening again. Wednesday, at the hospital, Vicky's friends, Trish and Paula, were giving me that look while they paid her a visit. And it annoyed me. I mean, they know! Vicky's told them! They know!
Hello! Adulterer here! I already ruined one marriage! I am, in no way, the perfect husband! Don't give me a coffee mug with "World's Greatest Husband" on it!
I mean, we got home the next day and I was already being kind of an ass. I'm not that terrific. I'm a pain to live with! So, cut it out. Seriously. It gives me the creeps, like getting caught in a lie. Even if Vicky and I remain married for the rest of our lives, that won't change the fact. I might be nice to Vic but I'm no Ghandi. (I'm younger, to start.)
Okay, so there you go. I have six weeks of recuperation time when I probably won't be a perfect husband and I just had to get that off my chest.