Shopping at the beginning of the 21st Century...

When I left the house this morning, there wasn't any food. Nothing. Well, nothing I wanted to eat, at least. See, things have been crazy at home lately and we just haven't had an opportunity to keep things up like normal. So, when I left, after hitting the gym this morning (and, of course, hurting myself - but let's not talk about that), I was hungry. Hungry!

I got about half-way to work when I realized I'd be passing a Taco Smell, not my favorite place for breakfast but, again, I was hungry.

And, I was broke.

But then, I noticed an Albertson's supermarket with a sign that said there was an ATM inside. So, I stopped and went in. (I could have used my ATM card at Taco Hell but they would have charged a surcharge... and I'm cheap.)

God, do I miss "grocery stores". Do you remember them, those quaint, old relics of the 20th century? Stores where people sold you food. Think hard - remember them now?

Well, they're gone, folks. Fucking gone.

I walked into the store and the first thing that struck me was the lack of employees. The place was positively barren - of people, at least. Gnomes had come in overnight to stock the shelves. Checkout was done by computer. Oh well, it didn't matter to me. I just wanted the ATM.

I walked up, fed it my card, punched my buttons, the display said, "You transaction is being processed", and then it spit my card back at me without so much as a "Thank you" or, more importantly, my cash!

(NOTE: I checked with my bank. The crappy ATM machine didn't take any money from my account, at least.)

Now, I was looking for an employee because something was wrong with the ATM. But, of course, no one was there.

A woman was checking herself out on a computer. She asked, "Are you looking for some help?"

"Yes," I replied.

"Well, I haven't seen anyone here except you."

Great.

But there had to be someone! I didn't want to have to drive to the gas station and eat - gasp! - gas station food!

So, I waited.

Nobody.

I walked around.

Nobody.

I walked back. The only person I saw was the woman, still ringing up her own groceries. "Nobody?" she asked.

"Nobody," I said. "I think the only way I'll get help is if I knock down a display." Several displays lined - well, everything - selling poorly animated children's films. But I didn't want to do that.

So, I left... and ate gas station food.