I'm guilt-ridden. I have a terrible thing to admit. I figure I should do this because it might come up later. Here's the thing: Sometimes I need to get away from Vicky.
There! I said it!
I know it's horrible. It's the worst thing in the world. I should want to spend my every waking moment basking in her luminescence - and I do... most of the time... But sometimes, actually it turns out to be about once a week, I just need to walk away. I need to regroup, refocus. I need "me time".
I feel horrible about this because I know it's wrong... but I do it anyway.
Last weekend, I hit a local bar with Sean and we had beers (well, I had beers) and caught up.
This weekend, I went to San Diego to visit Tim. Tim knew I was coming. Tim had told me to come down on Saturday. But - you see this coming, don't you? - Tim wasn't there! Nobody was home! Thank dog Tim gave me a key or I would have been stranded... and pissed!
So, what to do? You're a hundred miles away from your wife and you don't feel much like driving back and you have this whole house to yourself and... hey, wait a minute...
So, I stuck around. I took a nap. I read. I smoked. It was... wonderful!
I actually finished the book I'd been reading and went to a local bookstore to pick up some more. My first book: Pregnancy Sucks (for Men). It's my first pregnancy book to get me ready for the big day... the day that lasts for years and years. It was pretty cool and, best of all, helped me realize that all of my fears are not unique to me.
Now, Vicky gets angry when I tell her how I feel but, dammit, I'm petrified! And I found out that it's okay! Whew! Apparently, it's normal to wonder if you're going to be a good dad or not. So, you know me, that was like opening up a dam... a poorly sealed dam, mind you, but a dam all the same. What a relief!
I stuck around Tim's place until about 9pm - and I'd arrived at 3pm - feeling much better.
Now, Vicky never writes anymore but I can tell you that she needs her time away from Ken just as much as I need my time away from Vicky. That's cool, in a way, because I'm sure that'll provide us with downtime from the baby, too.
By the way, Vicky's horribly disappointed in me. She now refers to the failure of my "SUPER SPERM". Okay, let's just settle down! She came up with that term because I told her not to worry about getting pregnant. I told her that it only takes one time. This weekend, she reminded me that we had one time already and my sperm have really disappointed her. But I didn't tell her which "one time" it would take! The way I look at it, practice is a good thing. We'll get there.
Anyway, I've got books to read.
Relax, Vicky. Before you know it you'll be throwing up in the morning and getting hemorrhoids... I promise to be nearby! (Except, maybe, for a few hours every weekend or so...)