Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Just one step away...

After yesterday's cacophonous... whimper, after all my plans climaxing with the finality of ON HOLD music, I needed to pump myself up a bit. I needed to get my spirits back in order.

So, while driving into work today, I thought, "Hey. It's not so bad. You're just one offer letter away from getting this job."

Which was followed with, "And you're just one book deal away from being a published author."

Now, you know how my mind works. It kept going from there. And I also came to further conclusions.

Some of these may apply to you... but your mileage may vary.

I'm just one hacked up body away from being a serial killer.
I'm just one random fuck away from being an adulterer.
I'm just one shoe sniff away from being a pedophile.
I'm just one very wrong touch of a child away from being a pedophile.
(I've never been good at remembering what that word meant.)
I'm just one blow-job away from being gay. (This won't work for you if you're a woman.)
I'm just one bite of a tree away from being a beaver.
I'm just one beaver away from...
(Well, that might work for you if you're a woman...)
I'm just freakishly ill-timed axe-swing away from being headless.
And so on...

So, see? There's hope for everything!

1 comment:

Fred Mertz said...

One dead body away from being a necrophiliac?

Oh, one bad roll away from being a troll priest?

One moo away from being a tauren?

One good kick in the nards from being a saprano?