A couple of things...
Some of you may know I used to be an actor. I use the phrase "used to be", not because I wouldn't really love to act again, but because it's been so long - who am I kidding?
I've had a lot of excuses why I couldn't do any acting in a while. I've been very busy, for instance. I had a pending job, was another quality one. I forgot, was a perennial favorite.
Well, I have a new one. I got an email last night from Stephanie, telling me about an "honestly can't pass this up" kind of audition... and I honestly can't pass it up... except, there's one problem. I'm fat. I'm horrifically fat. I'm so fat that when I go outside in a yellow raincoat, people call out "Hey Taxi!" I'm registered with the National Seismological Institute as a possible threat. You see where I'm going with this?
And it's not I'm a pig. Hell, I've cut back significantly on my piggishness! I'm active. I eat right... ish. I hardly engage in "fatness inducing" behavior. All I can guess is that I have a horribly slow metabolism. I have the metabolism of a lazy snail... with absolutely no motivation.
It's sucks, is all I'm saying.
So, do I want to roll up onto the stage again, possibly threatening small children and structural integrity?
... We'll see.
And here's the other thing, which is in no way related (in case you're wondering), I really want to be a Daddy. Swear to God and what the hell's wrong with me?
The minute I can't have sex anymore - it's been like 50 or so years since Vicky's surgery - I want the one thing you get from really successful fucking. Ain't the mind a bitch?
I'm just saying.