And making an ass of myself on the phone...

Just so you know, this blog follows a rather long and grovely apology.

Before we start, I just want to chuck the boomerang of time back a little bit... there it goes... back to... 1996...

Rosa and were standing outside of a restaurant near the corner of Katella and Tustin, where we were waiting to meet Essex and Lily for dinner. We weren't quite at the pacing point, yet, but we were getting close. And I distinctly remember saying, "You know, if we had a cell phone, we could just call them and tell them to get the fuck over here."

And here comes the boomerang... curving back to the present... 2003...

I was trying to get back together with Rosa and she thought it would be nice if we each had cell phones. So, she gave me her old one and got a new one... but I never got service on the thing... didn't really want to carry it around... lost it...

The boomerang is almost back... 2004...

Shortly after Vicky and I met, she too gave me her old cell phone and got a new one... the idea of having to carry around one of these things... ugh... but Vicky paid for the service and we talked and talked... we talked so much that I eventually became one of those people who talks while they drive, while they shop, and while they eat. I haven't become one of those people who talks while they're pooping... NOR WILL I EVER! But, I used to be one of those people who complained about cell phones! They were annoying! A blight! A pain in the ass to those of us trying to get somewhere quickly! Why is it that people get on their cell and take their foot off their gas???...

And (fwack!) the boomerang has returned... this morning...

I went to work this morning with my cell phone in my pants pocket because I'm wearing a shirt with no pockets. I thought nothing of it and began to drive to work. But then, as I was taking a curve up a hill... the phone began to ring. It was Vicky's personal ring. I tried to ignore it, paying attention to my driving, but it kept ringing and I began to think, "Maybe the dog got out... maybe she was in a car accident... maybe the house is on fire... maybe the -" Oh shit! I had to answer the phone!

I tried to reach under my seat belt but couldn't find my pocket. I had to take off my seat belt! But my pocket went too low - I had to lift my hip, taking my foot off the gas, to get to it, which also meant my hand was off the wheel!

Nothing to see here, folks! Just some idiot, doing 60, who's decided he doesn't want to live anymore!

Of course, the whole contortion put me in a rotten mood... after all, I nearly hit a truck and the guy behind me was honking... but it was necessary to make sure everything was okay with my bride.

... and this is where I made an ass of myself. Not before. Right now.

I answered with, "I hope this is important."

Okay, now she didn't know about how her call nearly killed me, right? And she's told me, in the past, not to answer if I'm driving. My response is, "What if it's an emergency?" Based on this, she agreed to call less while I'm driving.

I guess she forgot.

Maybe I'm just not the kind of person who can have a cell phone... maybe it's a guy thing. I don't know. No man would call and, when asked why, say, "No reason." It just doesn't happen! Maybe a woman can explain this to me, why women are so lacking in focus... I don't know.

Anyway, so I'm the jerk. If you hear about me dying in a car accident, at least you'll know why.