With its usual alacrity to astonish, Yahoo posted the following headline this past weekend, “Cities cracking down on saggy pants.”
You know, because that’s what’s wrong with this world. Not “pre-emptive war”. Not global warming. Not violence. Not murder. Not rape. Not robbery. Not cruelty. Not apathy.
You get rid of saggy pants and, my friends, you have a perfect world.
That’s why cities are cracking down on such pants. “It has the potential to catch on with elementary school kids, and we want to stop it before it gets there," said one local fathead… no, seriously. This is a real quote. Pants that are saggier than they would like might “catch on”. OH MY FUCKING GOD WITH A BUTT PLUG!
Listen, I know this has been going on just as long as there have been idiots in the world – and, for the record, that’s a really long time – but I cannot help point this out because, surely, at some point, it has to end. There must come a time when people who blame the world’s ills on an economic system or on people who wear different hats or on those who call their imaginary man in the sky by a different name or those who blame pants will be universally laughed off the face of the earth… surely.
I doubt if I’ll be around for that but I can’t help try.