It’s been a while since I was a bachelor but I’m a pretty swinging guy. I think I can manage it.
Vicky’s going away to dogsit for her brother this weekend. No, I’m not making that up. Dogsit. No shit.
So, I’m going to have the place to myself all weekend long. Yep. All weekend. And, baby, there ain’t no party like a swinging Ken party cause a swinging Ken party don’t stop.
I’ll start the night a little low key. First, I’ll hit the gym and work on the dough-hard body that is what I am. I’ll be pumping all kinds of metal, plastic, or whatever in upwards of 20 or 30 pounds. Then, I’ll have me some dinner. I’m thinking about a little Top Ramen or, maybe, if I’m really in the mood for something crazy, I’ll make myself some pasta with some homemade sauce. Just for yours truly, baby. That’s right. Then, I’ll pop in some vintage moviola shit, something from the 1920’s, maybe a documentary… that’s right, baby. Off da hook.
I’ve got to start working on a presentation I need to do for my Kid’s TV class so after dinner I think I’ll move into my private study, otherwise known as The Garage, and kick it with the PowerPoint. Yes, my and the PP constructigating a little prezentationiz… ness…
I’ll start tomorrow late, cause sleepin in is what the mad bachelor is all about. I’ll wake up at 9:00am and return to the 24-hour Fitne-hiz Centre… which doesn’t open until 9:00am, anyway, a jog… or walk… maybe just stand there looking cool. Then, it’s off to schoolz, cause even the mad, crazy bachelor… doesn’t have his degree, yet. I’ll go watch cartoons and shit, cause it’s a Children’s TV class. I am, like, all up in that mad Children’s TV ass and shit!
But that’s just the start of my day. Then, it’s all about the bitches. Working on that presentation is gonna be a bitch and leveling in WoW will be a bitch, too. But that ain’t all. Shit, no! Cause I gotz the crib to my own bad self! We’re talking all kinds of shit you ain’t even thought about! I’ll kick it on my sofa and watch Bill Moyers and maybe a documentary – that’s right. I ain’t afraid of nothing! Y’all can’t handle this! It’s intenzidatious!
I might even take a run down to the border. That’s right, muthafuckers! The border! You know what they gotz down there! That’s right! Spicy chicken burritos and shit! I’ll eat that with as much hot sauce as I like, mad hot sauce! Shit, I own the Pepto! It’s in my medicine cabinet and everything!
… Anybody got a life I can borrow?