Okay, maybe not the whole story - but as much as I can tell you. It's now two days later and I'm exhausted. Not "just got spinal surgery" exhausted. More like "my wife just got spinal surgery" tired.
Anyway...
Vicky and I got up a couple of hours before God on Wednesday. Actually, she stayed in bed. I was awake. I was awake for most of the night. Vicky had to get to the hospital by 6:30am, so she slept until 6:00am. "I don't have to put on make-up," she said. "So, I'm sleeping."
We met her dad, Steve, at the hospital, and Vicky was shuttled off to put on her buttless robe. (Consider yourself lucky if you don't know what I'm talking about!) So, we sat... and both of us began to fall asleep - in these horribly uncomfortable and very small chairs. (Ken, it's because you're fat!)
But they let us in soon enough and we all sat in this little room - except for Vicky, who was reclining in her gurney - waiting for the doctor. And, we waited. Vicky watched Designing Women on the TV. And we waited. The doctor was about an hour late... bastard!
But he showed, eventually. Vicky was given a sedagive through her IV and they wheeled her off. But first, I gave her a kiss. It would have been my last kiss ever... I'm glad she survived because the kiss kinda sucked. (You can't really kiss well under those conditions, I guess.)
I had brought some work to keep me busy because, honestly, I was pretty useless at that point. But I also had a father-in-law to... I felt like I was supposed to keep him entertained, keep him busy, help him pass the time. I had no appetite at all - so I took him to breakfast... at Denny's... not my favorite place.
Over breakfast, we played "What to talk about". Vicky's dad is a great guy and I like him a lot but a social butterfly he ain't. He's more like a normal guy; he can stand silence. He lives in that zip code. Me? I need to talk. Fortunately, I learned a long time ago that we can achieve that by asking lots of questions. So, I got him talking and everything was fine.
We finished breakfast, we back to the hospital, sat in the waiting room... and Steve comfortably passed out. And I watched the clock. And I watched the people. And I worked. And I watched the idiots using their cell phones, despite the signs telling you that use of cell phones could kill the patients!... ugh!
But the doctor came out about a half hour early and told us that the surgery went "perfectly". What a relief! All the images of Vicky confined to a wheelchair, of Vicky being a vegetable, of Vicky being dead and leaving me to find some other, young hottie disappeared... Salma Hayak... Jessica Alba... that nurse walking by... all gone! All gone! Seriously, though, I was relieved.
Immediately, I ran outside and started calling Vicky's friends to give them the good news. Nearly an hour later, I was done - Vicky has WAY too many friends.
We were sent up to Vicky's room (private room!) to wait for her. I grabbed all of her luggage and headed up. Steve fell asleep in the chair and I stood and waited. I was standing around a lot that day. But then, I noticed a little hub-bub; Vicky was approaching! I went out to meet her and she was awake and okay! There was my baby! Thank Joe Pesci!
It was almost as if nothing had happened. She had lunch and was used the bathroom on her own! She had a snack and was walking around! She had dinner and visited with friends! Her appetite was just fine!
I was going to spend the night but the chair they equipped the room with was, um, small. (You're fat, Ken!) It wasn't a chair for sleeping in. So, by 7:00pm, I headed home. I cleaned the house a little. I walked the dog. I sent out some emails and made some calls... and before I knew it, it was nearly midnight. The upside of the day, though, was that I'd have the bed all to myself! Oh yeah! I stretched out on the cool sheets and was out in a minute.
I woke up on the floor... the living room floor... downstairs... fucking sleepwalking! I felt like I'd had back surgery as a result of the hard, unforgiving ground. But I was up soon because I had some more house cleaning to do, a dog to walk, and a wife to pick up.
I got to Vicky's room around 11:00am and she was nearly ready to go. It was great seeing her healthy again. Most of her pain was gone gone gone - just like it was supposed to be. Terrific.
Too terrific. Almost immediately, we began fighting. Oh crap. Reality rushes in on you so fast.
We'll be spending the next six weeks living with this. She'll be healing and I'll be taking care of the house, which will look more like a city dump by week five - but I'll try my best.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
That evening...
This'll be a short one.
I just got back from a day at the hospital and I'm happy to report that Vicky is doing just fine. She's great. She's up and walking around!
I'll post a full report tomorrow but, for tonight, I'm pretty tired.
G'night.
I just got back from a day at the hospital and I'm happy to report that Vicky is doing just fine. She's great. She's up and walking around!
I'll post a full report tomorrow but, for tonight, I'm pretty tired.
G'night.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
It is the night before
my surgery and I want everyone to know that I feel great about it. I'm looking forward to being on the road to recovery and hopefully not being in so much pain. Ken on the other hand is nervous enough for both of us. He is very sweet and will be taking good care of me. I am very lucky to have such a wonderful and loving husband.
The day before...
Vicky isn't going to like this very much but I'm going to write it anyway. See, Vicky is a pragmatist to the end. She focuses on the here and now without romanticizing things or letting her mind wander much. Oh, there are downsides to that but it also brings a great deal of strength to our marriage. Me? I'm an idealist - from the root word idea. My flights of fancy take me and I go.
So, as the time approaches for Vicky's surgery, I can't help but think of everything that could happen. You know what I mean. There are a million outcomes and each one plays through my mind, minute by minute.
As we get nearer, I feel my emotions towards her building. I feel an overwhelming need to tell her how much I love her every minute, just in case...
I am very fortunate to be her husband. I love her so much, I can't begin to express it. I'm sure everything will work out fine and she'll be hopping out of bed before I think she's ready and she'll start bitching about stuff and we'll argue - all before next week. But I'd hate to let a moment pass without her realizing how very much she means to me. How she has given me a whole new world in which to thrive. How much my heart swells at the thought of her.
She's getting tired of it, of course. It's that pragmatism thing. Still, this is me.
I love you, Vicky.
So, as the time approaches for Vicky's surgery, I can't help but think of everything that could happen. You know what I mean. There are a million outcomes and each one plays through my mind, minute by minute.
As we get nearer, I feel my emotions towards her building. I feel an overwhelming need to tell her how much I love her every minute, just in case...
I am very fortunate to be her husband. I love her so much, I can't begin to express it. I'm sure everything will work out fine and she'll be hopping out of bed before I think she's ready and she'll start bitching about stuff and we'll argue - all before next week. But I'd hate to let a moment pass without her realizing how very much she means to me. How she has given me a whole new world in which to thrive. How much my heart swells at the thought of her.
She's getting tired of it, of course. It's that pragmatism thing. Still, this is me.
I love you, Vicky.
Apple Cider (Vinegar) Reconstitution...
Some of you may find me to be a bit of an enigma. After all, I try to eat right and exercise... and I smoke. Yep, quitting smoking didn't exactly "take". On the positive side, I cut back significantly. I probably smoke about a pack every month or two (especially if Clostio visits). But I also try to stay, um, healthy...
My most recent foray into health has to do with apple cider vinegar. Have you read about all the health benefits a little of the stuff provides? It's great stuff!
So, while we were at Henry's this weekend, I picked up a bottle. And, this morning, I took a teaspoon or so. (Truth be told, I just took a swig from the bottle... which is about a teaspoon or two...) Immediately, I pitched over from the pain in my gut and the overwhelming desire to puke! For nearly ten minutes, I was incapacitated by the nastiness of the stuff. How horrid! How can anyone do this? And on a regular basis??
With these questions in mind, I searched the Internets...
I didn't know you were supposed to mix it with honey!
Tomorrow morning - take two!
My most recent foray into health has to do with apple cider vinegar. Have you read about all the health benefits a little of the stuff provides? It's great stuff!
So, while we were at Henry's this weekend, I picked up a bottle. And, this morning, I took a teaspoon or so. (Truth be told, I just took a swig from the bottle... which is about a teaspoon or two...) Immediately, I pitched over from the pain in my gut and the overwhelming desire to puke! For nearly ten minutes, I was incapacitated by the nastiness of the stuff. How horrid! How can anyone do this? And on a regular basis??
With these questions in mind, I searched the Internets...
I didn't know you were supposed to mix it with honey!
Tomorrow morning - take two!
Truth revisited...
I just got back from the gym and was disgusted to find that the “swift-boating” of John Murtha has begun. Apparently, his injuries while a soldier in Vietnam weren’t bad enough for some people.
Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was talking about truth?
It seems I can’t turn around without someone steaming pile of shit playing erotic asphyxiation with the truth!
Remember, they did the same thing to John Kerry and Max Cleland – and the later lost three limbs as a result of fighting for our country.
Some people just get too threatened when you question their illegal crimes against humanity. Ain’t that right, Shrub?
Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was talking about truth?
It seems I can’t turn around without someone steaming pile of shit playing erotic asphyxiation with the truth!
Remember, they did the same thing to John Kerry and Max Cleland – and the later lost three limbs as a result of fighting for our country.
Some people just get too threatened when you question their illegal crimes against humanity. Ain’t that right, Shrub?
Monday, June 19, 2006
Who Killed The Electric Car?...
Could it be that the truth is getting out this summer? First An Inconvenient Truth and now this? Color me surprised...
Recipe the first...
Well, here I sit.... stuffed...
Yep, I cooked Jenn's recipe tonight and the short story is that Vicky and I loved it.
For those with short attention spans, here it is:
Chicken with Mustard Mascarpone Marsala Sauce
Recipe courtesy Giada De Laurentiis
Yield: 4 to 6 servings
1 1/2 pounds boneless skinless chicken breasts, each breast cut crosswise into 3 pieces (I just cut the chicken into cubes usually)
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
2 tablespoons olive oil
5 tablespoons butter, divided
/4 cup chopped onion ( I use a whole small onion)
1 pound cremini mushrooms, sliced (I generally quarter them instead of slice them, they hold up better when cooking)
2 tablespoons minced garlic - Yah right, just 2 T...I don't think so. I use 3 med cloves minced
1 cup dry Marsala wine (if you can't find Marsala wine, use a dry white. If you don't cook with wine, use chicken broth or stock)
1 cup (8 ounces) mascarpone cheese
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
2 tablespoons chopped fresh Italian parsley leaves
12 ounces dried fettuccine
Vicky always gets home later than me, so I was able to start before she even left work. Oh, I took a minute to IM Jenn and say, "Wish me luck!" You see, new recipes scare me. I'm so afraid of screwing up... well, all the time...
So, I started.
I quartered the mushrooms. Then, I chopped up one small, white onion. Onions usually really bother me but this one didn't. I don't know if white onions are, somehow, less painful but I lucked out. I cut the chicken approximately into cubes - I hate precision in cooking - and my chopping was ready.
Pulling out our largest sauce pan, I put it under a high heat and waited. Remember the old phrase - Hot Pan, Cold Oil, Food Don't Stick. Once the pan was hot, I poured in some olive oil. And once that started smoking, I put in the chicken.
And it stuck - of course. But, oh well. I decided that the stuff stuck to the pan would make for a better sauce. I seasoned and browned the meat and set that aside. Then, I used two tablespoons of butter in the pan and, with that melted, tossed in the onions. As much as I hate chopping onions, I love cooking with onions. They fill the house with such a rich aroma - and the butter only helped. Once those were carmelizing, I tossed in the mountain of mushrooms! This recipe has some serious fungus!
Of course, I couldn't skimp on the garlic. I love garlic! I tossed in two heaping scoops! After about 10-15 minutes, it was really starting to look and smell good.
I'd gone out of my way not to substitute too much. I even found Marsala wine and, of course, poured in well more than a cup of the stuff! Yum! Instead of using dijon mustard, I cheated with some regular honey mustard we had lying around the house. That wasn't bad at all, by the way. And the cheese - oh the cheese.... YUM!
Of course, after that, I just had to cook the paste: Garlic Fettucini! (I nearly typed Fatuccini, which might have been more accurate considering how much I ate!)
I could have tossed the pasta with butter or with the sauce... I did both! I tossed it with butter AND the sauce and I think it tasted better for it!
We were so hungry, I'm ashamed to say we ate it without the parsley! Oh well, maybe next time. It was absolutely decadent, very rich, and we ate far too much.
My thanks to Jenn.
If anyone reading tries it out, let me know what you thought.
Yep, I cooked Jenn's recipe tonight and the short story is that Vicky and I loved it.
For those with short attention spans, here it is:
Chicken with Mustard Mascarpone Marsala Sauce
Recipe courtesy Giada De Laurentiis
Yield: 4 to 6 servings
1 1/2 pounds boneless skinless chicken breasts, each breast cut crosswise into 3 pieces (I just cut the chicken into cubes usually)
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
2 tablespoons olive oil
5 tablespoons butter, divided
/4 cup chopped onion ( I use a whole small onion)
1 pound cremini mushrooms, sliced (I generally quarter them instead of slice them, they hold up better when cooking)
2 tablespoons minced garlic - Yah right, just 2 T...I don't think so. I use 3 med cloves minced
1 cup dry Marsala wine (if you can't find Marsala wine, use a dry white. If you don't cook with wine, use chicken broth or stock)
1 cup (8 ounces) mascarpone cheese
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
2 tablespoons chopped fresh Italian parsley leaves
12 ounces dried fettuccine
Vicky always gets home later than me, so I was able to start before she even left work. Oh, I took a minute to IM Jenn and say, "Wish me luck!" You see, new recipes scare me. I'm so afraid of screwing up... well, all the time...
So, I started.
I quartered the mushrooms. Then, I chopped up one small, white onion. Onions usually really bother me but this one didn't. I don't know if white onions are, somehow, less painful but I lucked out. I cut the chicken approximately into cubes - I hate precision in cooking - and my chopping was ready.
Pulling out our largest sauce pan, I put it under a high heat and waited. Remember the old phrase - Hot Pan, Cold Oil, Food Don't Stick. Once the pan was hot, I poured in some olive oil. And once that started smoking, I put in the chicken.
And it stuck - of course. But, oh well. I decided that the stuff stuck to the pan would make for a better sauce. I seasoned and browned the meat and set that aside. Then, I used two tablespoons of butter in the pan and, with that melted, tossed in the onions. As much as I hate chopping onions, I love cooking with onions. They fill the house with such a rich aroma - and the butter only helped. Once those were carmelizing, I tossed in the mountain of mushrooms! This recipe has some serious fungus!
Of course, I couldn't skimp on the garlic. I love garlic! I tossed in two heaping scoops! After about 10-15 minutes, it was really starting to look and smell good.
I'd gone out of my way not to substitute too much. I even found Marsala wine and, of course, poured in well more than a cup of the stuff! Yum! Instead of using dijon mustard, I cheated with some regular honey mustard we had lying around the house. That wasn't bad at all, by the way. And the cheese - oh the cheese.... YUM!
Of course, after that, I just had to cook the paste: Garlic Fettucini! (I nearly typed Fatuccini, which might have been more accurate considering how much I ate!)
I could have tossed the pasta with butter or with the sauce... I did both! I tossed it with butter AND the sauce and I think it tasted better for it!
We were so hungry, I'm ashamed to say we ate it without the parsley! Oh well, maybe next time. It was absolutely decadent, very rich, and we ate far too much.
My thanks to Jenn.
If anyone reading tries it out, let me know what you thought.
Who speaks the truth?...
I just opened Yahoo and saw this story waiting for me.
For those of you not wanting to click the link, the headline reads "Dixie Chicks Bash Patriotism". Is this true? How can this be? Well, it's not true. The fact is, they weren't "bashing patriotism". Rather, they were bashing those Orwellians and spineless apes who portray patriotism to mean "blindly following der Furher."
Look where that has taken us - into a quagmore of an immoral war, into a government that's nearly bankrupt (both morally and financially), into a time when the so-called "compassionate conservatives" make torture and Big Brother tactics the law of the land.
Not a great idea, I'd say.
As if I needed a reminder, today's news was also filled with examples of how this administration has turned diplomacy into bullying and negotiations into threats. Way to go, guys.
For those of you not wanting to click the link, the headline reads "Dixie Chicks Bash Patriotism". Is this true? How can this be? Well, it's not true. The fact is, they weren't "bashing patriotism". Rather, they were bashing those Orwellians and spineless apes who portray patriotism to mean "blindly following der Furher."
Look where that has taken us - into a quagmore of an immoral war, into a government that's nearly bankrupt (both morally and financially), into a time when the so-called "compassionate conservatives" make torture and Big Brother tactics the law of the land.
Not a great idea, I'd say.
As if I needed a reminder, today's news was also filled with examples of how this administration has turned diplomacy into bullying and negotiations into threats. Way to go, guys.
Cussing and Dating and Cooking and Dad...
This is going to start and end with my dad. Keith La Celle. A guy I've never really gotten along with but with whom I'm glad to have a relationship.
So, I sent out this email last week about Vicky's surgery and mentioned, in passing, that the new book is positively PG rated. I spoke with my dad yesterday and he said he was really glad about it - he might actually get to read one of my books... finally! See, my dad fucking hates cuss words... oops. But that's kind of the point. See, I use them.
After my dad expressed interest in the new book, I thought I'd take a look at it and see how many cuss words it actually has. I'm at 53,000 words now, so it's of significant size. I thought, "I'll just run a search for the word FUCK." I did.
Did I say PG?
Can I change that to R????
Eeeeghads! It's got 27 fucks - and I'm not nearly done with it!
So, I asked Vicky, as we were driving to our date - we celebrated the second anniversary of our first date yesterday - I asked her if I cuss a lot. It was like asking if the sky is fucking blue. Shit.
Anyway, so we went back to the place where we had our first date: Dave & Busters. Vicky wasn't feeling up to shooting pool - her back, ya know? - but we had a nice dinner. Having dinner with your wife is very different from having dinner on a first date and we had fun joking about that. Then, we went off to the arcade. It was nice. I think I'll date her again. But, soon, her back was hurting her. We're both looking forward to getting her up on the rack and getting her tuned up.
Normally, I wouldn't expect anyone else in the world to know about that. I have this sixth sense that both of my readers don't read that often. Well, I was in for a shock when I installed a site counter - thanks to Jenn - and found that we have more than just a couple of readers here. Anyone else in the world? How about in India? Britain? New Jersey? North Carolina? Texas? And (of course) Oregon and Washington? One is tempted to start saying "You like me!"... but I won't.
I say this to mention that I realize now that not everyone reading knows us very well - and I'll try to keep that in mind in the future.
Not only did Jenn provide me with the counter but we're also doing this "recipe exchange" thing. You probably saw the recipe I gave her. Well, the one she posted was a dilly! I really had to search for the ingredients! We don't have mascarpone cheese and marsala wine and crimini mushrooms around here - at least, they're not easy to find. So, after our date, I drove down to Whole Foods. Oh, thank heaven for Whole Foods... or something. I got all the ingredients and I'll be cooking tonight. (The review will be posted tomorrow.)
Vicky got to bed early and I stayed up to wash dished. I really worry about her. All the parents have been very sweet, though. My mom offered to help out. When I called my dad for father's day, he mostly wanted to know how Vicky was doing. And Steve, well, he (Vicky's dad) will be there with me in the hospital while we wait to see how the surgery turned out. Considering the drive he faces (they don't exactly live nearby), I think that's very nice of him.
I'm thinking of printing out what I have of the new book and bringing it to the hospital with me and performing some surgery of my own. How to perform a fuck-ectomy...
So, I sent out this email last week about Vicky's surgery and mentioned, in passing, that the new book is positively PG rated. I spoke with my dad yesterday and he said he was really glad about it - he might actually get to read one of my books... finally! See, my dad fucking hates cuss words... oops. But that's kind of the point. See, I use them.
After my dad expressed interest in the new book, I thought I'd take a look at it and see how many cuss words it actually has. I'm at 53,000 words now, so it's of significant size. I thought, "I'll just run a search for the word FUCK." I did.
Did I say PG?
Can I change that to R????
Eeeeghads! It's got 27 fucks - and I'm not nearly done with it!
So, I asked Vicky, as we were driving to our date - we celebrated the second anniversary of our first date yesterday - I asked her if I cuss a lot. It was like asking if the sky is fucking blue. Shit.
Anyway, so we went back to the place where we had our first date: Dave & Busters. Vicky wasn't feeling up to shooting pool - her back, ya know? - but we had a nice dinner. Having dinner with your wife is very different from having dinner on a first date and we had fun joking about that. Then, we went off to the arcade. It was nice. I think I'll date her again. But, soon, her back was hurting her. We're both looking forward to getting her up on the rack and getting her tuned up.
Normally, I wouldn't expect anyone else in the world to know about that. I have this sixth sense that both of my readers don't read that often. Well, I was in for a shock when I installed a site counter - thanks to Jenn - and found that we have more than just a couple of readers here. Anyone else in the world? How about in India? Britain? New Jersey? North Carolina? Texas? And (of course) Oregon and Washington? One is tempted to start saying "You like me!"... but I won't.
I say this to mention that I realize now that not everyone reading knows us very well - and I'll try to keep that in mind in the future.
Not only did Jenn provide me with the counter but we're also doing this "recipe exchange" thing. You probably saw the recipe I gave her. Well, the one she posted was a dilly! I really had to search for the ingredients! We don't have mascarpone cheese and marsala wine and crimini mushrooms around here - at least, they're not easy to find. So, after our date, I drove down to Whole Foods. Oh, thank heaven for Whole Foods... or something. I got all the ingredients and I'll be cooking tonight. (The review will be posted tomorrow.)
Vicky got to bed early and I stayed up to wash dished. I really worry about her. All the parents have been very sweet, though. My mom offered to help out. When I called my dad for father's day, he mostly wanted to know how Vicky was doing. And Steve, well, he (Vicky's dad) will be there with me in the hospital while we wait to see how the surgery turned out. Considering the drive he faces (they don't exactly live nearby), I think that's very nice of him.
I'm thinking of printing out what I have of the new book and bringing it to the hospital with me and performing some surgery of my own. How to perform a fuck-ectomy...
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Changes
So I decided that I didn't like the colors of our blog. Ken liked it just fine, but since I am such a princess I had to have it my way. I wanted green...but Ken wanted blue...so I went with another blue layout. It seems to be okay, but I'm not sure about a few things, so I may change it again...
Your movie for the day...
If you like The Andy Griffith Show...
If you like da Da Vinci Code...
If you were lucky enough to grow up on Don Knott's films...
Watch This. It's not short - it's about 1/2 hour long - but it's time well spent.
The Normal Rockwell Code
If you like da Da Vinci Code...
If you were lucky enough to grow up on Don Knott's films...
Watch This. It's not short - it's about 1/2 hour long - but it's time well spent.
The Normal Rockwell Code
Friday, June 16, 2006
The Truth about the day I married Vicky...
This weekend, Vicky and I will celebrate the anniversary of our first date, which was June 20, 2004. We're going to return to the same restaurant where we had our first date on Sunday, coinciding perfectly with our first date since that was also on Father's Day. We don't make a huge deal over it but it's nice to remember.
The huge deal is in September. That's when we'll celebrate our first wedding anniversary.
I've decided to stick with the traditional anniversary schedule. You know: Paper the first year, Cotton the second, Iron the sixth... it's a joke. But the nice thing is that you can embellish. On our sixth-year anniversary, I could give her a ring on an iron railroad spike... you know, if we ever took the train, which we don't, so that won't work. But you get the idea.
This year is paper. I expect the gift will be something inside paper gift wrap or something.
But I want to do something more.
It's these kinds of ideas that fester inside my subconscious, swimming around down there like sea monkeys, waiting to bob to the surface. I know they're down there. I know what they're trying to do. I'm familiar enough with myself - they don't surprise me.
So, I know what the idea is and I'll tell you, but I don't think it's going to happen. For three or four years, up until a year and a half ago, I sent out Christmas CDs as gifts to everyone. The last two included monologues that I'd written. I didn't make one last year. Last year's monologue was supposed to be the one I'd written about our wedding.
And that's what wants to happen. Part of me wants to finish that monologue.
It's not a good idea. The monologue isn't so much about our wedding day as it is about the stress I experienced in getting married - after making a shambles of my first marriage. I couldn't believe I was going to put Vicky through that. In addition, I was filing a court case against Rosa, so she was on my mind. By the time the wedding day came around, I was looking around the corner at my third nervous breakdown and I didn't care for that very much. On our wedding day, Rosa paid me several hallucinatory visits. That didn't stop after the ceremony. While we were in the Bahamas, I ran into two hallucinations of myself at the same time. I'd never hallucinated myself before... it was very strange.
So, why would I want to record this whole mess and put it on a CD? Why would I want anyone to hear that?
You see? And even as I write that out, I realize what a horrible idea it would be. So, like I said, it probably won't happen.
I'll buy her flowers...
The huge deal is in September. That's when we'll celebrate our first wedding anniversary.
I've decided to stick with the traditional anniversary schedule. You know: Paper the first year, Cotton the second, Iron the sixth... it's a joke. But the nice thing is that you can embellish. On our sixth-year anniversary, I could give her a ring on an iron railroad spike... you know, if we ever took the train, which we don't, so that won't work. But you get the idea.
This year is paper. I expect the gift will be something inside paper gift wrap or something.
But I want to do something more.
It's these kinds of ideas that fester inside my subconscious, swimming around down there like sea monkeys, waiting to bob to the surface. I know they're down there. I know what they're trying to do. I'm familiar enough with myself - they don't surprise me.
So, I know what the idea is and I'll tell you, but I don't think it's going to happen. For three or four years, up until a year and a half ago, I sent out Christmas CDs as gifts to everyone. The last two included monologues that I'd written. I didn't make one last year. Last year's monologue was supposed to be the one I'd written about our wedding.
And that's what wants to happen. Part of me wants to finish that monologue.
It's not a good idea. The monologue isn't so much about our wedding day as it is about the stress I experienced in getting married - after making a shambles of my first marriage. I couldn't believe I was going to put Vicky through that. In addition, I was filing a court case against Rosa, so she was on my mind. By the time the wedding day came around, I was looking around the corner at my third nervous breakdown and I didn't care for that very much. On our wedding day, Rosa paid me several hallucinatory visits. That didn't stop after the ceremony. While we were in the Bahamas, I ran into two hallucinations of myself at the same time. I'd never hallucinated myself before... it was very strange.
So, why would I want to record this whole mess and put it on a CD? Why would I want anyone to hear that?
You see? And even as I write that out, I realize what a horrible idea it would be. So, like I said, it probably won't happen.
I'll buy her flowers...
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Daily drivel...
Here are a couple of things for you.
Meet the new terrorist - Same as the old terrorist
I was also going to call this "We have always been at war with Eurasia" for you Orwell fans out there. (And who isn't, living in an Orwellian world?)
Looks like Zarqawi has a successor. And, of course, he was always meant to have one. As long as the warmongers can keep you afraid, they can keep jerking your chain.
Lists of 100
As soon as I wrote that list, I realized there are a hundred totally different things I could have written. I could write a new list every day, with details both banal and imaginative. What a great tool for self-discovery that is!
... I won't.
California is SO last year
Now, Keith has moved to Washington and all of my brothers are up there. Keith lives in Vancouver, very close to Murphy. Also close to Audrey, my sister, who lives outside of Eugene. Seems like the pacific northwest is the place to be. Mom and I are the last ones left in California, with Dad and Blanche in Arizona. I'm feeling so out of step!
Speaking of Murphy
I made a couple comments about the ever-entertaining Tim Murphy is my last blog and I just wanted to set one straight. Tim was the only person who humored me when I suffered from amnesia - but at least he humored me! He might have been laughing out of the left side of his mouth but he never told me I was crazy or stupid or making it up. That was of inestimable value, having someone who expressed some sympathy. Props to Murphy for that - huge props.
Of course, the bastard's WoW account isn't running out in July so to hell with him!
Meet the new terrorist - Same as the old terrorist
I was also going to call this "We have always been at war with Eurasia" for you Orwell fans out there. (And who isn't, living in an Orwellian world?)
Looks like Zarqawi has a successor. And, of course, he was always meant to have one. As long as the warmongers can keep you afraid, they can keep jerking your chain.
Lists of 100
As soon as I wrote that list, I realized there are a hundred totally different things I could have written. I could write a new list every day, with details both banal and imaginative. What a great tool for self-discovery that is!
... I won't.
California is SO last year
Now, Keith has moved to Washington and all of my brothers are up there. Keith lives in Vancouver, very close to Murphy. Also close to Audrey, my sister, who lives outside of Eugene. Seems like the pacific northwest is the place to be. Mom and I are the last ones left in California, with Dad and Blanche in Arizona. I'm feeling so out of step!
Speaking of Murphy
I made a couple comments about the ever-entertaining Tim Murphy is my last blog and I just wanted to set one straight. Tim was the only person who humored me when I suffered from amnesia - but at least he humored me! He might have been laughing out of the left side of his mouth but he never told me I was crazy or stupid or making it up. That was of inestimable value, having someone who expressed some sympathy. Props to Murphy for that - huge props.
Of course, the bastard's WoW account isn't running out in July so to hell with him!
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
The top 100... in no particular order...
Blame it on Jenn! This is Jenn's fault!
She recently posted a "Top 100 things about me" entry and, to show her I can't be outdone, I just had to do it, too.
Are you sitting down?
This may take a while.
...
She recently posted a "Top 100 things about me" entry and, to show her I can't be outdone, I just had to do it, too.
Are you sitting down?
This may take a while.
...
- I’m very insecure.
- I’m way too fat. Someone stop me!
- I love writing and everything about it. I love working as a writer, even if I’ve never been published.
- Acting in my own plays was the most amazing thing I think I’ve ever done.
- Sex. It’s a good thing.
- Vicky is the most horrible person to be married to sometimes and I’m thankful for every minute of it.
- I dwell a lot on the past.
- I think, deep down, people think of me as a loser and a louse. I think that’s one reason why I always try to do the right thing and better myself. Sadly, this isn’t helping change this belief.
- I want to act again, more than anything else. But I just don’t have the time and I’m still way too fat.
- I’ve never gone to my high school reunions because I’m afraid everyone will judge me. I don’t think I ever measured up to the expectations placed upon me back then.
- I often think about Rosa. I wish I could have made things work there and, simultaneously, married Vicky. Thanks to multi-dimensional physics, this could have already happened.
- I miss a lot of people – people I’ve known and people I still know but don’t talk to enough. I have a hard time letting go of people in my life.
- I wrote one book before My Side, my first novel. You never hear me talk about it because Rosa lost my only copy. It’s the “Lost Novel”.
- Every morning, I watch Vicky sleep as I’m getting ready to go and think about how much I love her.
- I’m not as good a writer as I wish I was.
- I was once the youngest child and, thanks to my brothers (Dwight and Richard), am now the middle child.
- Sometimes, I think about the child Rosa aborted. I think about what he/she would have been like and where that kid would be. He/she would be nearly 10 years old now.
- I’m more at peace now than at any other time in my life – believe it or not.
- I had amnesia once. I lost about ten years of my life. Nobody believed me and I had to find my way back to myself all alone. (At the time, Tim Murphy said he believed me but, based on what I’ve since heard, I think he was just humoring me.)
- I’ve appeared in all of my books.
- Clostio and I once wrote a short story together. That was the only thing I didn’t write alone.
- I think it’s cool that I inspired Jenn to blog.
- Wil Wheaton is my personal, “positive-thinking” guru… he doesn’t know it…
- I still amaze at how my mom handled me as a kid. I was the poster-child for ADD.
- I secretly wonder if I blew it by leaving Linksys.
- I feel immense guilt about… everything. For instance, I feel guilty that I sometimes think about Rosa, even though I’m totally devoted to Vicky.
- I envy the ability of religious people to devote themselves to ideas not their own.
- I am a highly spiritual person. I just wish I devoted more time to it.
- I’m not as smart as I think.
- I’m ugly. ‘Nuff said.
- Hiking sucks. It’s hard. It’s so much work. And it’s one of the most truly amazing ways to spend one’s day.
- I have a heart of playdough.
- I tried a variety of sports as a kid – baseball, track, tennis, racquetball – but could never really enjoy them.
- I don’t enjoy myself at most anything. I always suffer from performance anxiety.
- I enjoy being educated.
- I loathe insensitivity.
- I once believed I had superhuman powers. Honest to shit. This was shortly before my first nervous breakdown.
- I love getting email.
- I love engaging with people, finding out how they feel about things.
- When I was on Match.com, one of my questions was, “What are you most passionate about?” Hardly anyone could answer – how sad is that?
- I rode a motorcycle for seven years and fucking loved it!
- I used to be deathly afraid of dogs.
- I’m a cat person. My favorite cat of all time was Mia, a cat we had when I was a kid. She and I were totally simpatico – we groked each other.
- I used to keep hamsters and loved them. Now, they annoy me.
- I had a lizard once. I named him Jaws. My mom hated him. I’d hand-feed him meal-worms. He died a few days before I realized he was dead… I thought he was sleeping…
- I was once a devout Christian. I still think Christianity is an interesting idea with a fundamentally positive message. But Christians ruined that.
- I crave physical attention. Freud says I should blame my mother.
- I use to lie… a lot… a whole lot.
- I used to steal a lot. I broke into a house once. After, I realized that if I kept going that way, I’d be in big trouble. I stopped, not because I got caught, but because I didn’t get caught.
- Halfway there and I realize this is really hard!
- My shattered arm still causes me problems.
- When they set my shattered arm, my doctor was amazed that I didn’t puke or pass out. It was a moment to remember, that I’m stronger than I think.
- I’m a mass of contradictions.
- I can’t spell for shit. Don’t ask for my help!
- I love math. When I was in elementary school, I used to get math awards. How’d I ended up being a writer, again?
- When I was in elementary school, I was the star of the school. Teachers would ask me to come do skits for their classes (while I was supposed to be in class)! That’s how I ended up in this whole writer/actor thing!
- My first crush was with Lisa Nelson, in the second grade. She was adorable.
- In the seventh grade, I lost the election for Treasurer of our student body to Lisa Nelson. I lost because I froze up during my campaign speech before the school. I never froze up on stage ever again.
- My first, best friend was George Sushkoff, who I met in elementary school. He was the fat kid and I was the skinny kid. We used to play as superheroes: FartMan and FartBoy. (I was Fartman.) I miss him greatly, of course.
- I met George in “Developmental Primary”, a class in which I was held back between Kindergarten and First Grade. I was held back for kissing girls… the bastards.
- In the fourth and fifth grades, I had the same teacher, Mrs. Coleman. She used to teach us how to square dance and I was good enough (or bad enough) to be an alternate on our square dancing… what? Team? We danced at the Anaheim Convention Center. One of the kids couldn’t make it so I got to dance with Linda Vavra… a true, blonde hottie.
- In the fourth grade, in a state-wide talent competition, I won 2nd place in a comedy competition. I wrote the sketch myself and performed it with a guy named Donald. The theme of the competition was history. Mine ended with the lines: “Give me liberty or give me death!” “Will that be for here or to go?”
- My second crush was on Tammy Philbrick, in the fourth grade. I was fortunate enough to know her until high school, when I got to see her as a real person and not worry too much about never having dated her.
- Tammy Philbrick later vowed revenge on me when I played a practical joke on her. To my knowledge, she’s still waiting.
- In Junior High, I was the shy, quiet kid. I never spoke up. I wasn’t popular. But I was able to find myself after sixth and seventh grade and leave that phase behind before leaving Carr Intermediate.
- I started writing at a young age and was often told, by my mom, not to do it because I would get discouraged. I did get discouraged – but fuck that.
- I started writing my first newspaper column in my junior year of high school. Tim Murphy told me at the time that he that it was a stupid idea. The column’s name was My Side.
- My first job was at Del Taco.
- My first date was with a girl from Del Taco, Michelle Hadden. I was told that she was easy. Our date was to see “Time Bandits” (yes, that long ago) and I could barely get the nerve up to kiss her. I did… I still wish I could apologize and show her that I did get better.
- I am a phenomenal kisser, according to many of the women with whom I’ve acted (on and off the stage).
- I’ve been in one movie. I loved it. I hated it.
- The first play I was in was called “JOY: A Christmas Rock Musical”. I’ll give you a minute to stop laughing. I was cast as one of the leads but all of my singing was taken away from me because my singing sucked. I told the musical director, Mr. Palacio, that if he let me keep the parts, I’d do him proud. I did.
- In my sophomore year of high school, the “star” of the school’s stage took me aside and told me he was handing the reins off to me.
- I’ve had people tell me they wish they could be as good an actor as I am… I don’t get it.
- I used to think I was truly amazing on stage. I got over myself.
- I was inspired to write my first book by a guy named Roy, in high school. The guy wrote amazing stuff. Cocky bastard that I was, I said, “I can do that.” I’ve spent years trying to prove it.
- I never acted while I was married to Rosa. Since Vicky and I got married, I haven’t acted… coincidence?
- My first book took me nearly four years to write.
- My last book took me four months. It was better than my first book.
- When I had my first kiss with Vicky, she put her hand behind my head and pulled me in. It was an amazing move. She’s never done it since. I just get one?
- I’ve only had one nickname: Dr. T. (Let’s just say it refers to my tongue…)
- When I play a character, I become so submersed (worse than immersed) that I start thinking and feeling like the character. This has had some bad repercussions – I dated a girl name Julie, and fell madly in love with her, thanks to playing her husband – in my last play, I think I got a little too intense during a fight scene because I really wanted to kill this person. It’s also had some good repercussions. My friend, Stephanie. I cherish her – though we hardly ever talk – because I got to work with her in so many different plays (mostly written by me).
- In my last play in high school, Skin of Our Teeth, we had one night where everything went wrong. That was the most amazing performance ever – cause I really had to work!
- In the first performance of Skin of Our Teeth, I got a standing ovation before I was even on stage. During a slide show, my picture came up – standing ovation. It was sublime.
- I love watching old tapes of my performances. I crack myself up – even when it’s not a comedy!
- I am the foremost expert on all things Ken. I am fascinated with myself. Call me egotistical but I think anyone who doesn’t know themselves extremely well is wasting a supreme opportunity.
- I want to grow my hair long and shave off this damned facial hair.
- I want Vicky and I to be more active after her surgery. I want to go walking at night. I want to exercise together. Are you listening, Vicky?
- Movies amaze me.
- I love World of Warcraft! I have a character in every race and class. My account runs out in July and I – I – whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!
- I’m more comfortable with women than with men… you know… you can have sex with them. (Oh, I’m just kidding!)
- When I was a kid, I used to build tents in the back yard of our house and camp out during the summer. My mom thought this was cute and she’d bring me “supplies”.
- We had a huge ash tree in my back yard and I used to design elaborate pulley systems for pulling myself up. But I didn’t understand the physics behind it – damned physics.
- Three of my favorite subjects today are philosophy, history, and, um, physics. (I’ll get it right one day!)
- My first CD was “Time Passages” by Al Stewart. Yes. I said it.
- The most horrible day of my life – so far – was the day I spent in court against Rosa. I’ve never been made to feel so small and worthless.
- My second most horrible day was the day I knew I’d lost her.
- The best day in my life was the day I met Vicky. Bar none. Better even than my wedding day, which was pretty fucking incredible.
- I’d say I think about Vicky, oh…. Ten times an hour. Not just little thoughts, either… sometimes I just stare off into space!
- I love to sing. I love to laugh. I love to eat. I love to talk. I love to write. I love to live. Life is good… more or less.
Back to Back...
Well, we got word yesterday. Vicky suggested I should blog about it (he said, unbelievably using "blog" as a verb) but I'm sure she could tell you much more from her perspective.
See, the thing is, Vicky is going to need surgery on her back. My baby's getting cut open.
And I'm none to pleased about it. (Again, I know she's going through a lot - this is just from my perspective.)
I've been asking her to have her back looked at since we met. She's been having back problems for at least that long. But she kept putting it off. Now, she's going to need surgery.
The thought of Vicky going under the knife has me very concerned. If I get surgery, and I've had my share, that's one thing. I can deal with that. But I really worry when it comes to someone I love.
So, yesterday, I went into my bosses office and told him I need to take a couple days off next week. He asked me why... and I started to cry. God, I hate that. But the last thing I want is for any pain to befall Vic... so I made an idiot of myself. The upside is I got the time off.
So, the surgery is next Wednesday, June 21. If you enjoy One Path, if you're friends or family or even people we don't even know, and you want to know how this turns out or you want to send a card or something, leave a comment with your email address or email me or call me (if you have the number). I'd leave information on the blog but past experience has shown me that's not safe.
As for me, I've told Vicky that I'll take care of everything around the house and that she better follow her doctor's instructions and not be totally pigheaded... which would be so unlike her anyway.
I'll keep you posted through the blog, of course, and maybe we'll even get Vicky to give her account of the whole thing.
The most important thing is to get her better and out of pain. I want her healthy and happy. I'm sure you do, too.
See, the thing is, Vicky is going to need surgery on her back. My baby's getting cut open.
And I'm none to pleased about it. (Again, I know she's going through a lot - this is just from my perspective.)
I've been asking her to have her back looked at since we met. She's been having back problems for at least that long. But she kept putting it off. Now, she's going to need surgery.
The thought of Vicky going under the knife has me very concerned. If I get surgery, and I've had my share, that's one thing. I can deal with that. But I really worry when it comes to someone I love.
So, yesterday, I went into my bosses office and told him I need to take a couple days off next week. He asked me why... and I started to cry. God, I hate that. But the last thing I want is for any pain to befall Vic... so I made an idiot of myself. The upside is I got the time off.
So, the surgery is next Wednesday, June 21. If you enjoy One Path, if you're friends or family or even people we don't even know, and you want to know how this turns out or you want to send a card or something, leave a comment with your email address or email me or call me (if you have the number). I'd leave information on the blog but past experience has shown me that's not safe.
As for me, I've told Vicky that I'll take care of everything around the house and that she better follow her doctor's instructions and not be totally pigheaded... which would be so unlike her anyway.
I'll keep you posted through the blog, of course, and maybe we'll even get Vicky to give her account of the whole thing.
The most important thing is to get her better and out of pain. I want her healthy and happy. I'm sure you do, too.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Baby Back...
I had a dream about babies last night. I'm changing a diaper and...
"Would you rather keep what you have or see what's behind diaper #1? He's going for the diaper - and let's see what's inside, Johhny Olsen!"
Vicky's not pregnant. We gave up trying about a month ago.
Why?
Well, it looks like her back is really messed up and she may need surgery. We didn't know this until yesterday but I knew, even a month ago, that I didn't want her carrying any baby around if there was even an outside chance that she'd need surgery. So, I did the impossible... I turned down sex.
But it turned out to be for the best because now she can get her back fixed without any complications
So, we'll pick up on Baby Quest 2006 in a couple months or so, once she's fixed and not in so much pain - oh, she's in quite a bit right now - and you'll be hearing real diaper-changing stories before too long.
(NOTE: A "diaper-changing story" could either be a story about changing diapers or a story that's so fucked up, it'll knock the diaper off you!)
"Would you rather keep what you have or see what's behind diaper #1? He's going for the diaper - and let's see what's inside, Johhny Olsen!"
Vicky's not pregnant. We gave up trying about a month ago.
Why?
Well, it looks like her back is really messed up and she may need surgery. We didn't know this until yesterday but I knew, even a month ago, that I didn't want her carrying any baby around if there was even an outside chance that she'd need surgery. So, I did the impossible... I turned down sex.
But it turned out to be for the best because now she can get her back fixed without any complications
So, we'll pick up on Baby Quest 2006 in a couple months or so, once she's fixed and not in so much pain - oh, she's in quite a bit right now - and you'll be hearing real diaper-changing stories before too long.
(NOTE: A "diaper-changing story" could either be a story about changing diapers or a story that's so fucked up, it'll knock the diaper off you!)
Monday, June 12, 2006
Gaming until you're sick...
So, I thought I should include another post, for those of you who don't cook. I figured it should be about something important.
Video games!
So, I got this new computer and the thing is a peach. A real gem. (Choose your metaphor.) It runs everything and it runs them well.
So, I figured it was about time to finally finish Half-Life 2. Of course, that also means I have to start Half-Life 2 again, and it's no small game. The world is expansive and gorgeous and... did I say gorgeous? Hell, yes! The new machine can run the game with all the graphics settings maxed out - it's a thing of beauty I never thought I'd behold.
So, I played it for hours, yesterday, marveling in its sexiness. I ducked around corners and had shoot-outs with security. I ran through tunnels from zombies. I went around and around and around and...
... started feeling sick to my stomach.
But I couldn't let that stop me!
I dashed through weaving corridors, around and around and...
I really started feeling sick.
I forgot what hours of first-person shooter action will do to you.
Finally, I had to stop, doubled over at my desk.
You know it's a fucking great game when you'll endure that kind of punishment!
Video games!
So, I got this new computer and the thing is a peach. A real gem. (Choose your metaphor.) It runs everything and it runs them well.
So, I figured it was about time to finally finish Half-Life 2. Of course, that also means I have to start Half-Life 2 again, and it's no small game. The world is expansive and gorgeous and... did I say gorgeous? Hell, yes! The new machine can run the game with all the graphics settings maxed out - it's a thing of beauty I never thought I'd behold.
So, I played it for hours, yesterday, marveling in its sexiness. I ducked around corners and had shoot-outs with security. I ran through tunnels from zombies. I went around and around and around and...
... started feeling sick to my stomach.
But I couldn't let that stop me!
I dashed through weaving corridors, around and around and...
I really started feeling sick.
I forgot what hours of first-person shooter action will do to you.
Finally, I had to stop, doubled over at my desk.
You know it's a fucking great game when you'll endure that kind of punishment!
Recipe of the week...
So, this is the week that starts it off. I'll be posting a recipe and so will Jenn. Then, we'll cook each other's recipe next week. So, you might want to check out Jenn's blog and see what I'll be cooking or how she liked my recipe.
Today's recipe is an easy one. I love making it because, well, it's easy! And it's a good one for impressing dates, cause it doesn't taste easy... if that makes any sense.
CRAWFISH ETOUFFE
1 stick butter
2 cups chopped onions
1 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup chopped green bell peppers
1 pound peeled crawfish tails
2 teaspoons minced garlic
2 bay leaves
1 tablespoon flour
1 cup water
1 teaspoon salt
Pinch of cayenne
2 tablespoons finely chopped parsley
3 tablespoons chopped green onions
In a large sauté pan over medium high heat, melt the butter. Add the onions, celery, and bell peppers and sauté until the vegetables are wilted. You want to get the veggies all caramelized. (Jenn hates bell peppers but I think they add a good flavor.) Add the crawfish, garlic, and bay leaves and reduce the heat to medium. Cook the crawfish for 10 to 12 minutes, stirring occasionally. Dissolve the flour in the water. You can do this right in the measuring cup but make sure there are no lumps. Mix this in and it'll help thicken the mixture. Season with salt and cayenne. Throw in as much essence as you think you can handle. Stir until the mixture thickens. Stir in the parsley and green onions and continue cooking for 2 minutes. Serve over steamed rice. Garnish with essence and some more parsley and green onions.
The great thing about this recipe is how many different ways you can make it. Hell, it'd be enough for five or six recipes. You can make shrimp etouffe, chicken etouffe, even veggie etouffe. Etouffe, by the way, means "stew", so it's okay if it's a bit thick. You don't want soup!
Enjoy!
Today's recipe is an easy one. I love making it because, well, it's easy! And it's a good one for impressing dates, cause it doesn't taste easy... if that makes any sense.
CRAWFISH ETOUFFE
1 stick butter
2 cups chopped onions
1 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup chopped green bell peppers
1 pound peeled crawfish tails
2 teaspoons minced garlic
2 bay leaves
1 tablespoon flour
1 cup water
1 teaspoon salt
Pinch of cayenne
2 tablespoons finely chopped parsley
3 tablespoons chopped green onions
In a large sauté pan over medium high heat, melt the butter. Add the onions, celery, and bell peppers and sauté until the vegetables are wilted. You want to get the veggies all caramelized. (Jenn hates bell peppers but I think they add a good flavor.) Add the crawfish, garlic, and bay leaves and reduce the heat to medium. Cook the crawfish for 10 to 12 minutes, stirring occasionally. Dissolve the flour in the water. You can do this right in the measuring cup but make sure there are no lumps. Mix this in and it'll help thicken the mixture. Season with salt and cayenne. Throw in as much essence as you think you can handle. Stir until the mixture thickens. Stir in the parsley and green onions and continue cooking for 2 minutes. Serve over steamed rice. Garnish with essence and some more parsley and green onions.
The great thing about this recipe is how many different ways you can make it. Hell, it'd be enough for five or six recipes. You can make shrimp etouffe, chicken etouffe, even veggie etouffe. Etouffe, by the way, means "stew", so it's okay if it's a bit thick. You don't want soup!
Enjoy!
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