So, I'm sitting at my desk and I'm eating organic raisins.
Let me repeat that because I think it's important. I'm eating organic raisins.
What the fuck?
So, I can't help wonder why I would even want to eat organic raisins and it occurs to me that the obvious answer is because they are good for me, they make me healthy, and it's a good thing to eat. And, man, do I hate it when I'm all grown up and mature.
Then, it occurs to me that what I'm trying to do here is become healthier. After all, I reason, isn't the point to be the best Ken I can be?
Again, hating all this growupedness.
Still, in all seriousness, isn't that why I try to write the best I can, do the best job I can at work, be the best husband I can be, etc. etc.? To be the best Ken possible?
Listen, I know I'm not perfect. I'm overweight. I smoke on occasion. I don't do nearly enough chores around the house – just ask Vicky. But if you're looking for a purpose in life, I can't think of one that is much better. Don't we all want to excel at what we're doing, and isn't life the ultimate thing we're doing?
I've wrestled for years with this question. It has been clear to me for years that we're not here simply to have fun or be happy. Listen, it's a good goal but with so many ways to approach it, it's hardly a virtuous one. But being a better person, living a better life – helping out with the chores a little more, getting in better shape, cutting back on the smokes, helping others, being more compassionate – that sounds like a good direction. I'm not talking about being perfect; that's an impossible goal. But knowing that you're doing something to help make you a better person, even eating organic raisins, feels good doing it, before you even get the positive results, and that's gotta help make you happy, too.
And maybe I won't do it, maybe I'll have off days, but any attempt is better than none at all.
Is this the most original thought? Probably not. But I think if we don't think about that on a daily basis – how can I be a better person? – then it's just too easy to fall into apathy. And apathy about your own life is just plain sad.
So, I'm eating my organic raisins. I've also packed away some carrots and some grapes. I'm enjoying eating these light, healthy lunches. Recently, I've found myself falling away from a Ken who was once trying to be healthier and these lunches remind me that I am capable of eating healthy.
I also have a small bag of Fritos, to remind me how good it is to be a little bad, too.