Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Vurp for Breakfast..

Anyone know what a "vurp" is? It's a term I think I picked up from Vicky, though I might have heard it before, that combines the best parts of "vomit" and "burp". You know, it's when you burp up a chunk or two, something rises, the peasants uprise, the bulls are running in Pamplona... you get the idea...

Usually horrible, sometimes it's not too unpleasant. Banana split, for instance, you don't mind tasting again. Heck, you could taste it few times. Honey ham is nice. A nice chimichanga does well.

And Honey Nut Cheerios. There are probably other breakfast cereals that come up better - Fruity Pebbles, for instance - but Honey Nut Cheerios is good for you and good tasting.

I bring this up - so to speak - because I've recently started eating cereals again, having taken time off to lose weight before the wedding so that Vicky could look back at our album years from now and reminisce when I could roll over on top of her in my sleep without cracking ribs, and I chose Kashi. Kashi is an organic mixture of prairie scrap and old rosins, pressed together by someone who had just cleaned a catbox with wet hands. Years ago, you'd have to be a hippy to eat cereal like this, a drugged-out, liberal, pinko, commie, free-love, dope-fiend, hipster, lay-about, do-nothing, get-a-job-you-freak, live-in-his-parent's-basement-or-some-kinda-commune-you-freak, long-haired, unkempt, can't-tell-if-you're-a-girl, what's-with-your-clothes, Hate Ash Berries, never-washes-beneath-his-fingernails, back-to-the-land, dresses-in-hemp kinda hippy to eat this all-natural, no-flavor, stick-in-your-gut kinda crap.

But I like it.

I'm a modern guy, an urban (and rather urbane) gent, a city fella, and being from the city, I eat things that remind me what it's like to be in touch with the land. Meanwhile, farmers are eating all the Crunch Berries they can get their hands on. So, I eat Kashi.

I've very crunchy, very crispy. It's downright dangerous. You need to put orange cones up before you eat it. It comes with a waiver. There's a free offer for life insurance - it's that dangerous.

Then, on my way in, I vurped... Kashi... it was like five years of the (burning) Bush administration right there in my throat, which is like a Republican Lewinski. I was coughing and gagging in my car.

Oh, I'll eat it again tomorrow. I have to - I bought two bags of it!

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