Not to mention brownies…

Since I started this new job, I have been drinking a whole lot of water. Three liters. Four liters. Five liters. Each day!

And nobody has ever said to me, “Gee, Ken. That’s your fifth liter. Think you should cut down a bit?”

See, as a smoker – on and off, now and then, once in a while, take your pick – I can’t help but notice that cigarettes are pretty much the only time people say that. You never hear someone say, “Gee, Bob. That’s your third mile you’re running. Shouldn’t you cut down?” or “Say Mavis, shouldn’t you watch those olives.” Never. Not once.

And it’s not even a smoking thing. You never hear someone say, “Say Ted, that’s your fifth pipe in a row.” You know why nobody says it? Because nobody ever smokes more than one pipe in a row. There’s no reason to own more than one pipe! A guy could be smoking a pipe for hours but you move on to your second or third cigarette and you hear, “Hey, isn’t that your third cigarette?”

This is why I’m hoping marijuana gets legalized, because you’ll hear people say, “Gee Dude, isn’t that, like, you’re fifth dooooob?”

People who smoke from bongs, however…