Just when you thought it was safe to assume Ken was no longer an actor…

Safe. That’s the operative word. Safe from turmoil. Safe from stress. Safe from Ken fucking everything all up!

Sometimes things don’t happen they way they’re supposed to happen and then sometimes things do happen that were supposed to happen but didn’t happen and they throw a wrench into the things that did happen that weren’t supposed to happen and happen to happen when you never thought they’d happen because they happen to happen when you were certain there was no longer a chance of them happening…

I’ve been invited to audition for a feature film.

…. I’ll wait.

Are you standing again?

See, the thing is Vicky married a lunatic. That’s pretty much all there is to it. Am I a writer? An actor? Can I hold down a fucking job? Am I worth a god damned?

The audition is in Bakersfield on the 21st and… I have to go. There’s no way I can miss it. It’s the brass ring. It’s a big part in a comedy. I can’t say no.

So, I’ll audition.

The odds of me getting the part are stacked incredibly in the AGAINST column. I mean, well, let’s look at this:

1) I’m overweight
2) I haven’t acted in years
3) I have very little experience in front of the camera
4) On my best days, I don’t really have the look for film
5) I’m 41 – the part is for a 34 year old

And that’s not even getting into the whole “I’m not that good an actor” category.

I’ll audition and, when I don’t get the part, at least I’ll have the experience of auditioning.

If I do get the part… well, then I’m kinda screwed. It’s an independent film and it offers no pay. (Thought it does offer credit, copy, lodging, and food – which is far more than I saw on my last film… in which I had three lines…) It’s a ten-day shoot in Bakersfield. I’ll have to take time off of work… and, since I haven’t even worked for three months, might get fired.

Let’s try to forget what getting the part could bring. My SAG card? More roles? A real acting career? Those are ALL pie in the sky dreams.

… not to say they aren’t possible. They’re very possible… but that's only if I get the part...

Crap.

Can you see now why try to I stick with writing?