Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Dreams like these...

I awoke this morning from a dream about Vicky. Well, maybe not "about Vicky" (I actually can't remember what it was "about") but Vicky was in it and we were having a nice talk about something. I like having Vicky in my dreams. I dream her as a very pleasant person, which though she can be so in real life is more regular than in the waking world. In my dreams, I can make her however I want her to be. Nice and unstressed, without the problems real life brings you. In our dreams, we sit together a lot and things are idyllic. I like that.

I haven't had a nice dream with Rosa in it for years. When she shows up, you can be guaranteed a bad time. I had one with her in it a few nights ago, for example. This was after I found out that her wages are going to be garnished to pay me back the money I loaned her several years ago. And, although she deserves it and she told horrible lies about me in court, I must feel pretty guilty. The dream showed me this. She showed up at my door, crying. She asked my forgiveness for all the horrible things she's put me through. I said, "It's not up to me to forgive you. I'm tired of that." And she pulled a gun out of her purse, put it up to her head, and pulled the trigger. I could see skull fragments and chunks of brains fly from the back of her head and she fell over, gushing blood. And I felt absolutely terrible when I woke up.

With Vicky, it's different. Last week, I had a dream of us both on our sofa. I was at one end and she was lying across, her head at the other. Her feet were on my lap. And I was watching a TV show about dreams... in my dream. The show ended and Vicky woke up (in my dream) and started telling me about this great dream that she had. I just enjoyed her closeness.

I woke up from my dream this morning, alone in the bed. Vicky was sleeping downstairs to keep the dog from whining. Suki has to be caged after her accident and she whines in there when one of us (Vicky) isn't close. So, she was down there. I walked down and leaned over the sofa and gave her a kiss. I had kissed her there last night, a few times, and I was sorely tempted to climb onto the sofa with her... but not for sleep. But then I started thinking of the logistics of it... so I just went up and went to sleep.

Perchance to dream.

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