Albert Hoffman, father of LSD, dies at age 102...

See?

Those drugs'll kill ya.

... and Ted and Alice...

Sometimes I hear some movie news I just can't keep to myself.

This movie may not have the best trailer ever - but what can you do? It's an indie flick. - but I loved the name the way love a fine wine you just drank 5 bottles of:

Bonnie & Clyde vs. Dracula!

Cigarettes and Tacos…

Just a quick programming note: Today I hit 4 months without a cigarette. That’s 1/3 of a year! Pretty cool.

Anybody got a smoke?

Tonight, Vicky and I tried out a new, local, Mexican restaurant. Vicky’s had a very stressful week so I’ve been trying to cut her a little slack. She asked the waiter, pointing to our empty bowl of chips, “Could we get some more tacos? Um, I mean – tacos? Um, what are these things again?”

I couldn’t answer. I was on the floor laughing.

What the hell am I doing?…

I’m really disappointed by my career today… mostly because I don’t seem to have one.

I started a contract job yesterday, working for a guy who is trying to put together a web marketing company. He made it sound like I would be doing marketing work – putting together packages with web sites, partnerships, collateral, and the like – but it turns out I’m writing for him. To my amazement and sadness, I have discovered something awful – I hate writing.

Let me go back to the beginning.

I worked at Linksys for half a decade – okay, suffered at Linksys is more like it but I had half a decade under my belt. Then, IMC came along and said, “We can pay you more and give you more room for growth.” Okay, I said, and I took the job. Within 9 months, I was out. I was unemployed for six months. Then, Allied Schools, my previous employer, hired me on as an Assistant Marketing Manager, where I put together websites, created partnerships, managed several brands, created new collateral, and it turned out I really, really liked it. I enjoyed my job.

Then, they laid me off.

Fuck.

So, now, here I am working temp for this new guy. I started at $25/hour but then he went down to $20. Today I find out that they have a history of not paying their employees. The writing I’ve done is being changed to fit the owner, the guy who actually said to me today, “I can’t write worth a damn but can’t we just list the SEO words on the page? People don’t have to read it.” And then, I remembered why I hate writing – because those who can’t understand the least why they shouldn’t.

I know I’m at the whim of a cruel economy… but damn it sucks…

I'm gonna eat some worms... or visa versa...

You’re wondering what a middle-aged philosopher does when he’s mind-breaking treatise on success fails to find a market, aren’t you? Hey, it’s not like I didn’t see that coming. Like I told Vicky at the time, I can either write the book that changes the world and no one will buy or I can write a really marketable horror novel. Vicky told me to write Climbing Maya, which I did.

Wormfood came after.

This week, I started sending out Wormfood. It’s quick. It’s easy. It’s got everything from blood and gore to fucking and sucking, from children in peril and tough ex-cops to love on the rocks and young people finding love – like I said, everything.

The bitch is finding someone to read it.

So, here’s a bite of the letter that’s going out to spread the word. Let’s hope it catches some eyes:

Wormfood is a George Romero zombie flick on steroids. It’s the book Night of the Living Dead dreamed of being. When a worm infestation turns everyone on an island resort into feral, sex-crazed animals that feast on human flesh, how can a family escape from becoming Wormfood?

Wormfood is 77,000 words in length, packed with sex and gore and twists that leave you unable to put it down. It is the ultimate book of the dead for the adult horror market.

It's Wee Wee Time!...

Because Vicky and I may need tiger masks one day...

"Crotch Itch, the Movie"... the movie...

Apparently, there's a movie coming out called "Blindness", wherein 90% of humanity goes blind.

... which apparently really fucks with Julianne Moore...

... why isn't clear. I'm probably not seeing something. WAIT!

Seriously, if they want someone to just phone it in, I'd be happy to. Honestly. You want Lowest Common Denominator...? And this isn't even Lowest Common Denominator! I mean, what person says to himself, "I want to watch a bunch of blind people!"

... but I guess it helps explain why I'm not published, huh?

Outside… without my keys…

So, I was washing my car today… normally, I’m not totally anal retentive about my car. But, I figure when the bird shit accumulates to the point where people may think the design is intentional, it’s time to wash!

So, I went out today and began washing. Washing. Washing. I only used a little water, trying not to be an eco-idiot. When the car was ready to towel it off, I put down my rag and turned to go inside and get the towel.

Only one problem, though.

The door was locked.

Uh oh.

I didn’t even have to check to know: no keys.

I checked anyway.

Nope.

Shit.

As it happened, I did have my phone with me – both my cell and my cordless, home phone. I had brought them just in case I received a call about a job.

… I didn’t. Goddammit…

So, I called Vicky. Fortunately, Vicky works relatively close and she was willing to come home and let me in… if just barely…

Which gave me 20 minutes to… do… nothing.

Next time you really want to torture yourself. Stand outside for 20 minutes. You can’t go for a walk – at least, I couldn’t because I didn’t want to miss any calls I might have received about jobs… which never came. Goddammit…

You see, I tend to fill my day with distractions, keep myself busy, because the last thing I want to think about is out I’m unemployed, with no education, and how I’ve amounted to – if not nothing – at least the smallest calculable sum imaginable… that’s the last thing I want to think about…

… and so, that’s what I spent my time thinking about.

I’ve decided I’m never washing my car again. If anyone asks, I’ll call the pattern “Dalmation”.

Where we’ve been…

I’m going to be completely honest with you. Being out of work is killing my motivation to “blog”. So, my apologies if my silence is inconvenient.

That said, I’ve been dying to tell you about our weekend. Vicky and I drove up to Cambria this past weekend and, not just because we stayed in a beautiful Victorian home near the beach, it quickly became one of my favorite places. We had a fire every night in a big fireplace – sure, it was gas but hey – we hiked in the beautiful (if FUCKING COLD) Fiscalini Ranch Preserve, and we hit the neatest, little downtown I’ve had the fortune of enjoying in some time.

It’s our day walking around downtown that I’d like to tell you about today. It was a hoot. Not only was the weather exceptional – a bit cool but sunny and surrounded by greenery – we found two shops that just killed me.

The first shop will remain nameless to protect my favorite towny of the day. She ran a little furniture store with some absolutely gorgeous furniture. As Vicky and I looked, she came up next to me to let Vicky know, “I absolutely LOVE your hair!” Of course, this got Vicky talking. Vicky’s new neapolitan (meant for the ice cream not Naples) hair is something she and everyone around her has enjoyed – and she loves talking about it! I didn’t quite listen because something had caught my nose. I leaned a bit towards the shopkeep and sniffed… marijuana! She was stoned! I loved it! No wonder she was so friendly and happy; nobody gets that from selling furniture!

I always root for the rebels and find it interesting how pot often brings out our best qualities, while we are propagandized into believing it comes from Satan’s garden. Good for you, shopkeep!

My other favorite shop does not have a website I can find, which is too bad. I would love to turn you all onto it. It’s called Dirty Laundry, and it is in Cambria, right on Main Street. It sells the coolest, funniest nick-nacks anywhere. The guy who ran the store was very nice to us. And we bought a couple of things… of course. My favorite was the Shish-Kabob Ice Cubes. They come out of your freezer as little shish-kabobs and you stir your drink with them – too cool! I told Vicky that if I were employed, I would have bought a whole lot more!

So, we were very pleased and had a very good time.

On the way back, we hit Highway 46, just about the prettiest stretch of road I’ve seen in a while. I hope we can go back again very soon… and let’s hope I’m employed when we do!

Wait until the ride has come to a complete stop…

Right about now, that’s what my life is feeling like. I haven’t written anything on the blog in a while because… well… there’s just nothing to write! But I figured I should write something, so…

How have I been spending my time? Keith figured I was playing lots of WoW. I wish he was right. (Though, in truth, I’ve played a little…) From the start, I have made it my goal to apply to 10 jobs and send out 10 book submissions each week. That alone keeps me pretty busy. In addition, we’re in mid-term season and I’m working on a take-home test, writing about Plato’s Republic. Jealous, yet?

Once I get mid-terms out of the way, it’s back to the writing. I’m planning on getting Grand Canyon on Kindle and then starting work on submissions for Wormfood. Both will take some work. Only then will I be able to get back to the new play, which I haven’t touched in a couple of weeks.

I guess you can say I’ve been keeping busy.

I had a painful job interview the other day. It was for a tech writer, something I used to do. Well, I was in for a double dose of reality/pain/whatever at this one. Seems I’m not really a writer any more because I was a manager and I betrayed some sacred trust by not sticking to technical writing. I don’t know the right software anymore. I’m too out of practice to be any good. And I haven’t even been following trends in the career… ugh. For an hour, my mind was split between “How do I get these people to like me?” and “Dude, there’s more to life than tech writing. Seriously!”

The thing is, I am not one to think of my career as my life. Never have been. And when it comes to something as boring as tech writing, well, I try to forget I ever did it! Being a marketing manager was far more cool… and far less remotely possible I’ll find a job doing it again. The problem is there are a lot of low level jobs out there but the higher level ones are few and far between.

It sucks.

So, things ain’t great at Casa La Salle. And just because we’ve weathered this storm once before doesn’t make it a picnic this time.