I Hate Texas Chainsaw Massacre…

I said it.

They heard it.

It’s all my fault.

Sure, the original was a classic. Back in the 70’s, we hadn’t seen too many movies about stupid kids being trapped in a stupid house (or similar structure) and killed by stupid homicidal maniacs. It was still relatively new/not completely overdone.

But then, the sequel… and the sequel to the sequel… and the sequel’s sequel to the sequel… and…

They were all the same! All of them! Stupid family. Stupid kids. Stupid lines. Stupid directing.

And I said, “NO! No more! I’m sick of it! I hate Texas Chainsaw Massacre!”

And… it seemed to help. For a while… for a little while… it seemed to stop. For several years, movies almost exactly like it were made – distant cousins slaughtering sex-crazed teens in a warehouse – but not EXACTLY the same!

Then… the horror. They remade the movie! And it was even worse than the original! Now, the kids were obviously retarded. The killers were more inbred than most scientologists (thought I was going with a southern state, didn’t you?). The deaths were all so obviously escapable!!!

When will they stop making this fucking movie???

But, at least, now it seems there’s a slight reprieve. They’ve done every sequel they can. They’ve remade the damned thing. They’ve made it as many times as possible… right? I mean, what else can they do? Where else can they go with it?

How else can they film exactly the same story and insult our intelligence in
exactly the same way?

What are they going to do?

Make a prequel???

(Ssssssshhhhhh! Quiet Ken! Don’t say it out loud! It might come……. true….)