Every day I write the book…

It’s been a while since I checked in last. I guess I should let you know that I’ll be finishing Love of Your Life any day now.

It looks like I won’t be going to any auditions because conditions at my place of employment have worsened and they’re messing with my schedule at will. Screwy schedules don’t work when you’re in theater and that means another postponement in my returning to the stage.

Meanwhile, the writing continues.

As I near the end of Love, my subconscious is already working on an idea for the next book. If you can imagine an old-style telephone in a lightening storm, with the world coming to a violent end every now and then… well, it’s sort of like that. And, every time around, the idea is refined more and more.

It started like this:

A Wizard in Los Angeles

This was an idea about a guy who loses his wife, his job, and his home. He ends up homeless, on the street, and without hope until he meets a bum he mistakes as some kind of wizard. He thinks the bum can work some kind of magic to return him to –

CRASH!

It was like seeing a hammer come through a closed window – the idea was gone.

Anyway, I didn’t want to write another love story. What’s the point of it, anyway? It’s just one after another – nothing special.

And then:

MY SIDE: The Movie!

This idea was about a guy who wrote a blog during the breakup of his marriage (very much like my old blog). Years later, after he’s married and happy again, or so he thinks, he is approached by a producer who wants to make the experiences in his blog into a movie. This stirs up old memories that –

CRASH!

Shattered. And good riddance. Hey, it might sound like a great idea but I’ve been down that road before, you know? I mean, I wrote the blog!

So, where was my mind taking me? What was it trying to say? And, if it couldn’t get its message straight, could it at least allow me to write a nice, gory, horror story?

But then, I had this dream last night. Dreams are very powerful sometimes and this was no different. It was simple. I was standing in my bedroom when, I opened the door – and I suddenly stood in Rosa’s house. There, she sat, watching television. She didn’t notice me. I don’t remember if the dream was lucid or just seemed so but I remember hoping she wouldn’t notice as I sat down across from her. And I just shared her space.

That was it.

So, I spent today pondering that. What was it trying to tell me?

Even as I thought about it, as I tried to find some other answer – I knew I had the answer already. I just hated what it was.

And I knew I couldn’t write what wanted to be written. I love Vicky very much and I don’t want to hurt her, even with an idea.

Here’s the idea, and why I don’t think I should go down this road: We never really get over anyone. We may think we do. In reality, though, what we do is come to our senses and realize that we need to find a relationship that’s more healthy – more healthy than thinking about the person we lost.

I don’t know. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with that. But it seems to me to be a bit too much like enjoying cake you get to keep…

Maybe I’ll just stick to my video games…