Wives get mad…

Another universal axiom brought to you by the folks at One Path… or one of them, at least.

And you can tell when she’s mad because she gets that tone in her voice, that “don’t fuck with me” tone. I’m not talking about getting pissed off, either. This is just her plain, everyday anger.

See, we were on the phone and she was trying to talk to me on speaker.

“Are you running late?” I asked her.

“Fisbit mern mernum gagspiel,” I heard her say.

“Because if you are, I won’t bother you,” I tried again.

“Srcjkloat mbnaindrg spasplaspla,” she seemed to reply.

“Honey, I can’t understand you when you’re on speak,” I finally told her.

Then, she switched to the regular phone and said, “What?!” And, in that one word, I knew I’d gone too far. In my selfish insistence on hearing the words that she spoke, I’d given her every reason she needed to kill me.

… this is why I never piss her off… not in the same room, at least…

So, I quickly got her off the phone so she could fume for the rest of the day and draw pictures of me being decapitated on her notepad at work.

Before I hung up, I said, “I love you.” Sometimes, that also means, “Please don’t kill me in my sleep.”