Twas the day Ken finally realized he no longer works for Linksys…

Oh, right. I can say it now. Linksys! Linksys! Linksys! They’re not my employer any more! I won’t have readers threatening to expose me and get me fired and destroy my career! (Can you guess who my favorite reader back at My Side was?) I can talk shit about them now!

So… NOTE: DO NOT BUY LINKSYS PRODUCTS! EVER! (You’ve been warned.)

Anyway, readers might remember what a hellhole that place was to work at from my previous rants. (That’s not why you shouldn’t buy they’re shit. You shouldn’t buy it because they’re evil fucks who make garbage… but if you want to use that reason, that’s good too.) I had to try so hard for a chance to write for them – I eventually moved to my present job.

Cut to today.

This morning, I was invited to an International Sales Meeting, where I met all of our company’s sales force. And I was in prime form… well, I would have been had I been a Linksys employee. I was selling myself like a Tijuana hooker! If someone said they couldn’t understand the operation manuals, I’d start in with, “You know, that’s exactly why we’re doing such a major redesign, not just on what the books say but how they say it. Communication is more than words; it’s how the words are used.” If someone complained about how dry our data sheets were, I’d launch into, “You know, you’re right. We need to do more than just give specs; we need to put them into some context that people will know applies to their life.”

By the time I left, I’d sold them on revamps of current documentation, bold new paradigms, and creative, new collateral material. I actually said, “You’re in the unenviable position of the blind man who’s never heard of glasses.” I said that! I honestly said that! What the hell was I thinking???

And who’s the optometrist, you may be wondering?

Why, me… of course.

So, by the time I left, I had the entire sales force clamoring for new and exciting materials… that I would have to create…

WHAT WAS I THINKING???

I was thinking I was still at Linksys, of course, where I was told to make widgets and shut the hell up. That is far from the situation at the new job. Really, really far.

I get that now.

I’m gonna shut up.