Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Letting me be me…

Sometimes, I think people have trouble pinning me down. I can be very “out there’ at times, vocal about my opinions and just about anything. Other times, though, I can be reserved… downright neurotic.

I’ll give you an example.

This past weekend, I met lots of my father’s family but I didn’t network with them. It’s not just that I had other things on my mind; I didn’t feel comfortable. Well, there was one person who made me comfortable. My aunt Pam… probably because she was a nice person and, therefore, completely unlike any blood relative. (Okay, that’s harsh… completely unlike 99% of my blood relatives.) I took down her contact information.

… and then came the point where I began to wonder what to do with it.

I could send her the link to our photo site.

I could send her an email.

I could send her a link to One Path… oh, wait… no, I couldn’t. Because she’d tell Blanche or Dwight or, god forbid, my mother. I wouldn’t want my mother reading my blog because… um… why, again? I forgot.

Here’s the thing: I haven’t provided any of my family with links to my blogs because, deep down… further… further… under that… move that aside… down there… further… take the stairs… down the – there you go… further… right, down there… deep down, I want to be liked. And One Path and My Side – okay, especially My Side – can sometimes be ever so slightly offensive.

But that’s me, right? And if I never share my blogs with my family, I’m hiding away a part of myself.

And that’s not good.

But I worry.

Perhaps my fucking cussing will turn them away… cunt.

Maybe my atheism and mocking of idiotic, religious afterlife insurance will make them angry.

Possibly my expression of my political views and my beliefs that Democrats and Republicans can both tend to be morons could just keep them from liking me.

But, if they stop liking me because of that… well, I guess they never did like me, did they? So, I guess this is the time to finally come out of the closet.


It’s time to open up the blinds, pull back the shades, draw the curtains and let the real Ken come through – the one nobody likes!

… wait…

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