Feels like an essay. “What I did on my summer vacation.” But the thing is that the closer we get to this whole “baby” thing – I kid you not, Vicky takes her temperature every day – through her mouth! pervs… – the more freaked out I get by the idea of it. I’ve only recently reached the point where I can live my life without constantly trying to kill myself; what kind of father am I going to be???
I thought a list might help.
Why I won’t make a good father.
1. Babies scare the hell out of me. Seriously. You can break them. Burn them. Accidentally drop them… out of a moving car… on the freeway… over a bridge – there’s just so much!
2. I still eat meat, thus polluting the world my child will inherit.
3. Oh, and I drive a car.
4. I’m not thrifty. I know that’s not a popular word any longer but it was once a very important thing. Thrift meant that you were mindful of the future. Too often, I spend money when I should save it.
5. I am not the most patient person.
6. I’m too old to really endure child rearing.
7. I like my belongings and I know that a child, like a puppy, is going to destroy them. I’m not a big fan of that.
8. I haven’t secured a lifestyle that will keep our child comfortable and grant them opportunity.
9. I am prone to make mistakes.
10. See #1…
Why do I see about twenty years of incredibly high blood pressure, anxiety, and general nervousness in my future?