Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Hell is other people... winning things...

I should open this with a couple of disclaimers.

1. Vicky wins a lot of shit. She's amazing. Her luck is like a river of butterscotch pudding in which I can dip my tongue and... wait... now it's becoming pornographic... I'll just save that for later...

2. I had nothing else to write about... and this whole entry may end up making me sound a bit petty...
blow me.

Sean Deyo won a TV the other day. Actually, it's a big-ass plasma TV. Actually, it's a whole, damn entertainment center with TV and speakers and stereo and sexual attachment... with lube! The bastard!

Sure, Vicky and I won that trip to Hawaii... and those trips to Dizzyland... and money... and God's left nut... but I wanted a TV!

So, of course, I started looking for ways to win one of my own. I did that thing online where you have to hit the whack-em-mole to win, but then you have to do other things as well, including this whole "contract in blood to our unholy Lord of the Depths" and I asked, "Who's blood, exactly?" They never wrote back.

Then, I got this email that said, I swear, "Claim your 42" Plasma TV!" So, I opened it. Sure enough, I had won one! But then, the fine print said I had to buy a certain amount of products from their site. Now, I don't know if they sold virgins or DVDs but the whole point of "winning" is that you don't have to "buy" anything, you know?

So, there you go.

Now, I'm sure this is going to be followed by comments about what you've won and how cool it was. Meanwhile, I'm going to suggest to Vicky that she win us a TV... COME ON, WOMAN! GET TO THE WINNING!

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