24-Hour Bite Me…

Here’s a secret: I hate 24-Hour Fitness Center. Wait… that’s not a secret. I really HATE 24-Hour Fitness Center.

The locations near me always smell. The bathrooms are never clean – sometimes, they’re not even functioning. The machines are always crowded or broken. It’s a fucking dump. They always have Faux News on the TV screens, no matter how nicely you ask them to change the channel!

That’s why I stopped going a couple of years back, because they were just ludicrous. The idea that I would drive far away to exercise at a place I hated going to – it led me to jogging and cycling in the real world. And, you know what? I love that! I have never once looked back!

But Vicky has insisted that I keep my membership. “You never know,” she says, as year after year passes and month of dues after month of dues gets thrown away.

Today, I just got sick of it and decided to cancel my membership. Turns out, you can’t cancel online. You have to call a special number… then, you have to hold… forever… And you have to listen to this insipid hold message about how you’re being provided excellent service – even though you’re obviously not – repeated over and over and over again! I held for 15 minutes before someone picked up…

… and hung up on me!

Mother fuck!

So, I called back. Then, I held for 30 minutes before someone picked up and asked, “Why are you cancelling today?” To which I replied, “If I didn’t have a reason before the nightmare of being on hold, I have one now.”

I don’t want to sound bitter but I hate those fucking cocksuckers….