Saturday, May 21, 2011

I honestly did not see this coming…

I went to the optometrist this week for my yearly paranoia. Optometrists give me just the opposite feeling as dentists. When I see a dentist, I experience great pain to find out everything’s okay. At the optometrist’s office, I experience no pain and hear the worst news.

This time, after he checked my eyes out, he gave an irresolute shake of his head and said, “I’m not sure what we can do.”

Those aren’t words you want to hear from any doctor.

Turns out my eyes have started the downward slide I’d always feared and felt I had always been slightly putting off. The thing is my eyes suck. They always have. If you have an eye condition in mind, chances are I have it or have had it.

Oh, they’re healthy. He always tells me that, “Your eyes are healthy…” And then he adds, “But…”

It turns out my eyes are a bit schizophrenic. The vision in my right eye is diminishing as my left eye dominates. I’m going blind in my right eye. When the doctor tries to make me able to see through that eye, with glasses, the vision in my left eye actually gets worse. “It’s as if your left eye doesn’t want your right eye to see.”

Now, I’ve never had any Oedipal issues that I know about but I personally like seeing out of my right eye. It makes 3D so much more enjoyable.

Jokes aside, it kind of shook me, knowing that my best days of vision are long past.

The supreme joke here is what’s killing my vision the most is what I do. As my doctor put it, “If we could get you to not look at computer screens or read, your vision would probably improve.” Irony, you’re a bitch.

No comments: