Occupy This Book...

I am proud to say that on the very same day the Occupy Movement is calling for a general strike, my philosophical memoir Climbing Maya is also being released. Climbing Maya shares and endorses many of the core values of the Occupy Movement, from a move away from materialism to a search for deeper meaning that what is in your wallet.

Check out Climbing Maya when it hits the digital bookshelves on May 1st!

Linguisa...

Leave it to Word not to know the word “linguisa”.

Today, I thought I’d write about a recent and awfully long overdue discovery: Linguisa. (There are many ways to spell it, and Word doesn’t recognize any of them.) If you know me, you know I love to cook (and eat), which is why I’m embarrassed to say I’ve never cooked with linguisa before.

Oh, I’ve heard about it. Back in high school, Sean Roberson used to talk about how his parents would cook with it. They weren’t rich or anything but my family was so poor we never went in for… you know… good food. I don’t think we ever saw pork, for that matter.

If you haven’t heard of linguisa before, WiseGeek refers to it this way: “The primary ingredient of linguiça is pork butt, which is cutinto rough pieces and mixed with spices. Pork butt tends to be lean, resultingin a leaner sausage with a more meaty flavor. Common spices in linguiça includeoregano, paprika, garlic, pepper, cumin, and sometimes cinnamon.”

That sounds pretty damned good!

I’m sure I’ve had linguisa at a restaurant but this weekend I decided to give cooking with it a try. How did that happen? Well, Costco had a display of scallops and linguisa and I thought about an amazing jambalaya I could put together… until I saw that the scallops were around $25. So, I stuck with the linguisa.

There’s not much else to say. I put together a rather rustic pasta sauce: tomatoes, linguisa, olives, mushrooms, oregano, garlic, wine, chicken stock, crushed red peppers, and maybe a couple of other things. I let that simmer and reduce and work its magic for a couple of hours and I was done. I decided to serve it over linguini so I’d have a nice, fat pasta to hold all the greasy, lovely goodness.

And it was good.

It was damned good.

I’ll tell you right now. I’m never going back to ground beef. Screw that! I am linguisa’s bitch from now on! (Not to mention now that we have mad cow in the states, I think I’ll stay away from ground beef…)

That is all. Go buy some linguisa and make yourselves some goodness.

Sweet Sweat…

As some of you may know, today is Vicky’s birthday.

Without going into too much detail about what she got or where she went, I do have one story to share. It involved my atrocious handwriting and her birthday card, two things that I assure you do not go together well at all.

Having signed her card and put it in the envelope, I wrote on the envelope: To My Sweety Birthday Girl. But my handwriting is so bad, as is my eyesight (that’s right, I’m turning into a mole man in my advanced old age), that I was afraid you could read that as: To My Sweaty Birthday Girl.

Ignoring the horrible grammar for a minute – seriously, I looked at it and asked, “What the hell does that mean?” – I realized this could turn out very bad. And recognizing the grammar for a minute, “Sweaty Birthday Girl” makes more sense grammatically. Was Vicky going to think I called her “Sweaty”???

So, let’s clear this up right now.

It’s “Sweety”. She’s my “Sweety”.

And I have horrible handwriting. I’m aware of this.

Bozeman News meets Climbing Maya...

Bozeman News has a feature on Climbing Maya, along with the new trailer!

Check it out!

Climbing Maya, The Trailer

Climbing Maya - the Postcards!

As part of the promotion for Climbing Maya, I've ordered a few postcards to help get the word out. I can't share with you the postcard over a blog but...
... oh wait....
Yes, I can!

I'm trying to get the word out as much as possible so if you could share these with - oh - everyone you know, I would be very appreciative.

On the topic of dreams...

It's been a year of blogging over at Recovering the Self and what a terrific year it has been.

You can read my latest piece at Recovering the Self by clicking this link!

Climbing Maya, coming May 1st from Solstice Publishing...

Writing is different with Vicky…

Lots of big announcements keep coming down the pipe.

As you know, Climbing Maya is coming out on May 1st from Solstice Publishing. I’ve also just lined up my first production in San Francisco – more on that to come.

As I was up working this morning – insomnia, again – I did a bit of reflecting on this, which is easy when you’re half asleep. I thought about how different things would have been – just where my writing is concerned – without Vicky.

I often tell Vicky how thankful I am that she’s in my life and I make sure she knows that this writing career of mine owes quite a bit to her. And I’m not just talking about how much money she makes, though that is very helpful to a starving (obviously not literally) artist like me.

If you look back on my body of work, you’ll find that most of it wasn’t written before Vicky came along. Somehow, I was writing for 20 years before I met Vicky and eight years since and yet most of my books and nearly every one of my plays came after we met.

Look at just the two most recent deals. Climbing Maya literally couldn’t exist without her. She’s in it! And then, there’s Murielle’s Big Date, which will be produced at The Dark Room Theatre in San Francisco during the first three weeks of November. Murielle is a play about love without the pain of love that had tainted everything up until then. It was really my first play celebrating love and it came after Vicky came into my life.

Now, I’m writing Dynamic Pluralism, a book so ambitious it changes the philosophy of ethics. I had been working on it for nearly 20 years, but it wasn’t until Vicky that I believed in myself enough to start writing it. Vicky helped me find that belief in myself.

Granted, she’s a pain in the ass and she gives me a lot of grief – and that’s just the start. But I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the benefit of her in my life.

Thanks, Vic.

Qualifying…

Vicky and I embraced our inner redneck (rednecks?) and went to watch qualifying at the Auto Club Speedway for Sunday’s Sprint Cup race. It is still bizarre to many people – least of which is myself – that I’ve embraced (and then some) Vicky’s love of NASCAR. But I have and so Vicky wasn’t exactly twisting my arm to get me out there.

We made it to the track in time and hustled up to the stands… and hustled up the stands… and up the stands… and up… and up…

By the time we reached our seats, I could touch Mars. We were high up.

Having been there before – yes, I’ve been to a hoe-down or two – I knew what to expect. I had my ear-plugs against the engine noise. I was familiar with how the cars would be scored, what to look for, and about how fast they should run. But… the vertigo and nausea were entirely new to me. I realized it right away, as I looked straight down at the cars, far out into the distance to follow them, and them closer to read the signs… and it was all making me sick.

Once upon a time, I would have shut it down and said, “That’s it. I don’t like this. Let’s go.” But I knew how much Vicky had been looking forward to this and I didn’t want to disappoint her. Anyway, qualifying would take only a couple of hours… of vertigo and nausea…

Fortunately, I made it. I watched my favorite driver (Juan Pablo) qualify fairly well – not great – and enjoyed the efforts that came in faster than him. We left through the sea of fat, white people smoking way too much – so, there are some parts of NASCAR I’m still not used to – and went out to Vicky’s car. From there, we headed off to Vicky’s brother’s place.

Vicky’s brother and his wife, Lani, have this very sweet little girl named Maddy. Maddy is a sweet girl, as I mentioned, but not used to big, white men walking into her house. I mean, beside myself, the only big, white guy who walks in is her grandfather, Steve, and he comes over only a little more than I do. So, it came as no surprise that Maddy was less than happy to see me. In fact, she kept a very safe distance as she looked at me as though I was some kind of oddity, not dangerous but certainly not welcome.

Now, the thing about me is that I know I’ve got to be honest here and it might not be right. So, let me apologize in advance to all involved. But I am very aware that Vicky loves her niece and wants me to love her too – and more importantly wants Maddy to love me. Things haven’t worked out exactly to plan with Vicky and me having children of our own and, while I can’t see into the future, I know her niece (and future nieces/nephews) may be all she gets. And I don’t want her to feel like she won’t get that either, because of me.

So, after playing with Maddy and throwing her kisses, which Maddy promptly threw back in the just-over-one-year-old kind of way of hers, Vicky looked at me and said, “Now, you do it.”

I felt kind of like an idiot. “I’m not throwing kisses to a baby,” I muttered. Yep, that’s how good I am with kids. Deal with it.

Vicky did. She said, “Come on. Just do it.”

So, me being me, I explained what I was going to do to Maddy and asked her not to leave me hanging. I blew a kiss… and got… nothing. I blew a second kiss, feeling like an ass… and Maddy returned it!

I felt like that big white dog in the Warner Bros cartoons who lets the little black cat make a bed on his back.

And when we left, Maddy leaned over to me and, in a sigh of acceptance, bumped her head against mine. What can I say? Kids just don’t communicate like we do.

Nobody can say my life turned out at all like I expected, least of all me. But the things is it did turn out… so I have no complaints.

More than one liners…

Insomnia again last night.

I was up and a bit dazed from lack of sleep… and beer, I must admit. Keeping me amused as I sat downstairs, having given up on finding anything on TV, was a stream of one-liners. I had no idea where they came from.

For instance:

That wasn’t an enema, that was Lake Mead.
That wasn’t an enema, you were trying to drill a molar.
That wasn’t an enema, you were checking for storage space.
That wasn’t an enema, you were looking for something I ate in the 5th grade.
That wasn’t an enema, you were drilling an escape tunnel.
That wasn’t an enema, that was five guys with a water pistol.
That wasn’t an enema, that was the Pacific Fleet.

And on and on they went.

I had no idea why the fixation with enemas but, being awake, I kept trying to outdo the last. I had no idea how many I thought of but there were a lot more than I listed here. These were just the ones I remembered. I have no idea what I’ll do with them – because, of course, I’ve squirrelled them away for later use – but you can be sure they’ll pop up somewhere.

For those wondering when I’m “off”… keep wondering.

A Tale of Two Litterboxes…

It’s a dirty story but one that deserves to be told…

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Harley, our Maine Coon cat had taken to peeing, oh, just about anywhere in our garage except in her litterbox, which was also in the garage. No matter what we tried, she just wouldn’t use it.

She had used it before but, for some reason, had stopped and found anywhere on the floor far more convenient.

It was pretty disgusting.

Then, Vicky suggested we get a second litterbox and put that in the garage. This seemed like a silly idea to me. “Why would she use a second litterbox and not the first?” I asked.

And so, despite my logic, Harley kept peeing.

Finally, when a friend offered Vicky a free litterbox, I acquiesced, claiming that Vicky would see the error in her logic once she put in the second litterbox. After all, I reasoned again, why would a cat not use a first litterbox but choose to use a second? It made no sense.

And then, of course, Harley proved me wrong by doing exactly that. She used the second litterbox with no problem and still refused to use the first.

The second litterbox was an open tray box while the first was a booda box styled litter box, which are covered to keep in odors and provide privacy… but mostly to keep in those odors.

On an impulse, I removed the top to the booda box… and Harley began using the first box. And there you go! The reason she was no using the first box was because of the cover!

That said, we kept the second box all the same. After all, I’d been proved wrong once already…

Coming Soon to a Magazine Near You!... (but you have to have the magazine near you...)

Greetings dear reader,


As you may have heard, I'll be in next month's copy of Recovering the Self magazine. They just recently released a Coming Soon piece over on their website, the text of which I will reproduce here...

The coming issue of Recovering the Self (April 2012) takes the theme of “Starting Over” thorough the writings of people had those hard times in their personal and/or professional lives and had those “awakening moments” whereby we receive the gift of valuing life in the present as we have it in and around us.


This issue features the following articles:


Taking the Opportunity by Ken La Salle*
The Woman Who Couldn’t Stop Screaming by Dinah Dietrich
The Blue Dots by Nancy-Gail Burns
Forgiveness Is Not A One-Time Act by Rosana Brasil
Starting Over by Kat Fasano-Nicotera
Take Pride, Not Sorrow by Sarah Jane Conteh… and many others.


Also included in the issue will be a special interview with psychologist Steve Taylor of the Leeds Metropolitan University, author of the recent book Out of the Darkness, which explores the subject of how people transform spiritually after turmoil or hitting rock bottom at some point in their lives.


Inspirational, healing, and empowering, the April 2012 issue is all you want to read for your life to come live again!

Stop by the Recovering the Self website (or your favorite online magazine etailer - Amazon's a good one) and pick up your copy of April's Recovering the Self today! (You probably won't get it until April, though... I'm just saying...)





*Underlining and bolding may just be mine...

New Look/New Home...

There have been some big changes in my world lately.


First, as you can see, I’ve changed the look of the blog a bit. It’s a big more streamlined, a bit less cluttered. Vicky’s bound to hate it.

Next, well, there’s the new book – Climbing Maya coming soon from Solstice Publishing – the article in next month’s Recovering The Self, and continued work on Dynamic Pluralism, my book on ethics. You can say I’ve been busy. Really… you can say that.

The biggest change of all, however, has to be the new website. Yes! Check out http://www.kenlasalle.com/! It’s my new site with books and plays and – well, let me let the press release tell you the whole thing.

Author and Playwright, Ken La Salle, plants his Internet flag with a new website.


Ken La Salle has created a new website at http://www.kenlasalle.com/ to help celebrate and promote his exciting writing career. With areas for coming projects, his theatrical plays, and places where you can purchase his books, http://www.kenlasalle.com/ brings you Ken La Salle in all his Ken La Salliness… if such a thing is possible.


“Dynamic content?” La Salle asked. “We’ve got that. Exciting events around the corner? We’ve got that, too! Lots of cool stuff. Yes! Emphatically so! Future expansion into new and amazing directions? Well… no. Not yet. We’re still waiting for the future on that one.”


Ken La Salle is the author of many e-books available on Amazon and Smashwords for every e-reader, with genres spanning horror and fantasy, comedy and romance, and more. Later this year, Solstice Publishing will release La Salle’s philosophical memoir, Climbing Maya, which examines the illusory nature of success in the 21st century. You can also catch La Salle’s monthly articles on pursuing your dreams at the Recovering the Self website.


Ken La Salle’s plays have been seen on stages up and down the California coast and in New York as well. Last year’s OC-Centric New Play Festival featured La Salle’s short, The Myth of the Cubicle, to enthusiastic crowds. A shockingly true farce, Cubicle analyzes the absurdity of the American workplace and a social safety net chewed through by the rats of big business. Recently, Horse Trade Theatre in NY also featured a staged reading of La Salle’s comedy, Murielle’s Big Date.


La Salle recently stated that http://www.kenlasalle.com/ will feature dynamic content that will be regularly updated to keep fans, supporters, and haters alike up to date with new releases, appearances, and everything the struggling artist plans to do to make a little scratch in our changing theatrical and publishing world.


Ken La Salle is represented by Sullivan Maxx Literary Agency supported by a beautiful wife and abused by more people than he can or would like to name.

I hope you enjoy http://www.kenlasalle.com/. The big changes are only beginning…

A few things you might not know about Vicky…

I was sitting here, trying to think of what I wanted to write about this week, and all I could think about was Vicky. That shouldn’t be too surprising. Here at my desk, I am surrounded by five pictures of Vicky. I love seeing her face.

I’ve probably mentioned how terrific Vicky is but today I thought I’d tell you a few reasons why she’s so great. There are, of course, reasons why she is great for me. For anyone else, she’d be a nightmare – so keep away!

A couple of weekends ago, on a lark, we headed down to Metro Pointe. A lark? We had no reason to be there; I can’t even remember how we ended up down there! But there we were, talking about visiting the Barnes and Noble to languish through some books (sometimes, there is nothing better) or wandering to the Container Store to look at… well, containers. It really didn’t matter much. Vicky is just nice to be with.

I think that’s the key. I just like being with her.

Plump people that we are, we were both typically peckish and decided to drop into Boudin Café. I’d never been there before. My only experience with it had been walking by with Essex – so long ago that it such things as walk by with Essex – and talking about how good it looked. Well, Vicky found that a perfect reason for taking me.

We went in and enjoyed soup in bread bowls and we each enjoyed eating the bowl. It was great, just enjoying this simple pleasure with my wife.

Then, off we went to Barnes & Noble. Now that there’s no Borders, I really hope to find one of my books in there one day. For now, we wandered the aisles and gabbed. Vicky saw a Crock Pot and called my mom to see if she had one. That’s just the kind of person she is. Vicky will see things and say, “Let’s buy it for such and such.” Mind you, it’s hell on our budget but you have to love her generosity.

After a while, we went our separate ways, texting each other now and then. While I was there, I witnessed a couple of teenage couples kissing against the bookshelves. Okay, Vicky and I are no longer there but I’m okay with that, for the most part.

That’s the thing about Vicky. She has become my partner in business and love, my best friend, and the neatest person I know. I just wanted to share that.

This month's Recovering the Self...

Dreams can be downright silly at times and pursuing them is sillier still. But sometimes, you just have to go with it. Embrace the journey!

This month's Recovering the Self blog talks about just this kind of thing (click the link!), grabbing ahold of the weirdness any dream will take you on and enjoying every minute! Oh, there's a little name-dropping, too.

Hope you enjoy it!

to bury and not to praise...

What do we consider a successful life? When is someone’s passing considered a loss?


Andrew Breitbart lived a disingenuous life where every hurt he caused someone else was later shrugged off as a joke. Breitbart had a good laugh over the harm he and James O’Keefe caused ACORN. Breitbart acted like hurting Shirley Sherrod and the good that she was doing was hilarious. When Breitbart cost Anthony Weiner his job, for doing absolutely nothing illegal, he had a grand time.

And just a few weeks ago, he accused people who were simply exercising their first amendment rights of rape. Of rape. He slandered them in the press and smeared them on the Internet; he went this far to hurt the reputations and yes the feelings too of those involved with the Occupy Movement. He then appeared on The Young Turks and responded to Cenk Uyngur’s sincere questions as if it was one big joke.

Andrew Breitbart, just like the Limbaughs of the world and the (what was his name? ) Becks, respond to the serious issues of the day by mocking those who try to help, by smearing those who care, by verbally assaulting anyone who would bother to lift a finger for those less fortunate. Now that he has passed, I wonder who would cry for such a person. Would even his family feel bad about the loss of someone who would rather hurt the innocent than help them? Probably, but I cannot imagine many others.

If a successful life is measured by those who touch the lives of others and help where they can, Breitbart’s must be seen as little more than a waste. Let’s hope whoever steps up to replace him remembers that.

Websites and the person…

This week I’ve decided to do something a little different. I’ll be writing on one topic but as two people: Ken La Salle, the person here and the writer over on the Ken La Salle blog.

The topic is websites.

Recently, I’ve been encouraged by my publisher and my agent and, hell, just about every other right thinking person on earth, to get my own website. Writers these days have websites and it appears to be time for me to step up to the next level and get one.

What will this website have? Blog feeds, twitter feeds, information on my plays and books, appearances and upcoming projects, and a store where you can buy Ken La Salle stuff. It’s all about branding and marketing and existing in the digital age.

And I know this. I do. But here’s the thing. I spent most of my life being told by people that I was too big for my britches (my mom), full of myself (my brother), arrogant (my old friend, Tim), and on and on. For most of my life, I was told that confidence meant cockiness. I was told that believing in myself was a bad thing. I was insulted for trying to achieve something in my life.

Cut to now, when those very traits are exactly what I need. I need confidence. I need to believe in myself. And yet, after being smacked down for so many years, I have found it really difficult. Vicky and I were in this room where I write and she watched as I worked myself up into nearly throwing up just over the idea of purchasing a domain name for a website. Just the first small step made me sick, because I heard all those voices say “You’re no good,” “You’re shit,” “You’re arrogant,” and on and on and on.

I never realized just how toxic all that negativity was in my life and if I could go back I’d smack the negativity right out of their mouths. These were people who were supposed to love me, who were supposed to be my friends.

Fortunately, now I know better. Just as I write every month on Recovering The Self about following your dream, I know there’s nothing wrong with doing just that. There’s nothing wrong with working towards a goal, even if it’s one only you can see.

With Vicky’s encouragement, I purchased the doman name for http://www.kenlasalle.com/. You’ll hear more about this as the weeks progress and I look forward to being about to share it with you and with the world.

It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad… Wait…

One of my favorite movies of all time is It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. It’s a veritable “Who’s Who” of mid-20th Century Hollywood. It’s a terrific California time capsule. But most of all its construction is perfect. The way it builds and builds is sublime.

So… how come it isn’t funny?

Seriously, I have loved this movie all my life but it almost always puts me to sleep. I love it on an intellectual level. As a comedy writer, I love the efficiency and technique; it’s beautiful.

But nobody’s funny.

Is it because of all the years that have passed? Is it dated? No, that can’t be it. Many silent comedies still hold their charm and wit. They make me laugh. Comedy does not need to come with an expiration date.

Is it familiarity, the fact that I’ve seen it so many times? No. Again, I’ve seen those silent films many times, too.

This wouldn’t bother me so much if this movie wasn’t so beautifully put together. But the fact is its construction is on the money. It makes sense. It builds. It surpri…

Wait.

I was going to write that it surprises. Like with Dick Shawn comes running after his mother after being so obviously high with a girl. Or when the cops get into the “game” of it. But, you know, those are the exceptions. I realize now that may be the problem with it

It’s like a gothic cathedral of comedy. Everything is where it should be, where you expect it. It’s a shout out to the classic jokes and actors – but without its own jokes. And maybe that’s where it goes wrong.

It may be Mad, Mad, Mad… but there’s very little that’s really crazy about it.

Still, I’ll watch it and enjoy it’s perfect lines and solid construction. After all, it is one of my favorites.

Climbing Maya: An Exploration Into Success --- PDF EBOOK - Solstice Publishing Inc

The Climbing Maya ebook has it's own Coming Soon page over at Solstice Publishing. A print version is also being released but, for now, I thought I'd share this with you just as proof that it's not all some grand hallucination on my part.

Please feel free to share it with your friends, spread the word, and ready your book-buying dollar for Climbing Maya!

Climbing Maya: An Exploration Into Success --- PDF EBOOK - Solstice Publishing Inc

Books…

As a writer, I have had a changing relationship with books. There was once a time in my life when I would buy and read books voraciously, never allowing the sun to set between finishing one book and starting another. Then, more recently, I eschewed reading for writing. I spend so much time writing that I hardly read at all. That said, they say a writer must be a reader as well and it’s been a very tight line to walk.

Vicky knows very well how I am about books because I have two huge bookcases crammed with books I never read. I read them once, though, and they tell quite a story about my reading history. One bookcase is packed with novels. This goes back to the days when I loved fiction and would read whatever I could get my hands on. True, I tended more towards science-fiction and fantasy novels but there’s also plenty of horror and mystery and just play commercial fiction in there, too. Once I began to write a lot of fiction, however, I really began to see how these books were written, what strings were being pulled, and once I understood the workings behind the scenes (if you will), my interests moved away from fiction… and that takes me to the second bookcase, which is filled with non-fiction. Most of the second bookcase is stuffed with philosophy and history but there’s plenty of other stuff in there as well. I use quite a bit of it for reference but mostly I hold onto it, as well as the other bookcase, because I dream of the day when I can go back and reread all those books!

I mention all of this because Vicky and I were at Costco today and Vicky found this stack of the most incredible, general knowledge kinds of books you can imagine. Two books covered philosophy and psychology and were called something like the “Big Book of Psychology” and the “Everything You’d Ever Want To Know About Philosophy.” (I’m not sure about the exact names but it doesn’t really matter.) There were also history books called “Amazing History” and “Bizarre History.” I had the hook in my mouth and Vicky could see I was biting down. I might as well have been spurting blood.

But the thing is, I’m already reading two books. I’ve been reading them for some time, too. Hell, I never have time to read – all I do is write! The first book is a thick tome we picked up in a second-hand shop in Cambria called The Hundred Most Influential Books Ever Written. I’ve been reading that monster for over a year! The second is Isaac Azimov’s I Azimov, a wonderful autobiography by a hero of mine. I bought that back in July from a beautifully dusty old used book store in LA.

The thing was, I couldn’t justify buying any new books – no matter how cheap they were! (They were only about $10 each, which these days is a great price.)

Vicky being Vicky, though, made it sound as though we would also buy them for her. Now, if you don’t know, Vicky is 100 times busier than I’ll ever be. If I don’t have time for reading, she’ll NEVER have time!

We ended up buying them, of course. Now, I have six books I need to read… one of these days…

Climbing Maya gets a cover...

The non-linear nature of dreams and Climbing Maya...

This month, I decided to use my monthly article over at Recovering the Self to talk about the journey I took in getting Climbing Maya published. Believe me, it was not as straight a path as you might image. Few things seldom are!


Read about how dreams rarely take you in a straight line over on the Recovering The Self site by clicking this line.

Climbing Maya on Diet Soap...

Last November, I recorded an interview for the Diet Soap podcast. This week, I'm happy to announce that the episode featuring my interview about my book, Climbing Maya, is available at this location:

http://dietsoap.podomatic.com/entry/2012-01-30T01_51_45-08_00

I hope you enjoy it. Doug Lain puts together a surreal mix of discussion and music and words. Be sure to check out the excerpt from his book, Wave of Mutilation, after the interview! And many thanks to Doug for having me on!

I can now announce...

Everyone is looking for success in their life but how can you be expected to find it if you don't know what it is?


Some time ago, as one friend was dying of leukemia, another friend succumbed to alcoholism, and I found myself unemployed, I decided to find the answer to “What is success?” If it’s different for everyone, why do we have just one term to describe it? Can it really be summed up in one word or do we need to broaden our understanding? And are the avenues of success we are so often sold – wealth, career, family – the answer to the question?

Now, I'm happy to announce that my philosophical memoir on success, Climbing Maya, will be published by Solstice Publishing.

Release dates and other details will follow...

Watch this space...

Sorry I've been so quiet of late. I've been working on some good news. I can't announce it just yet because things could fall apart at any point and then I'd even have to retract this hint that something may be coming so I'll just shut up now...

... but it's going to be pretty big...

Seizure Dog…

Wednesday night, Vicky and I were treated to something new. After she had already spent the previous week being sick and in and out of emergency room vets, Shipoopi revealed to us that she was also epileptic

… and she didn’t do it with a tasteful card, either.

Nope. We’re talking epileptic dog all over the floor.

Vicky scooped up the dog like a commando. “ER Vet! Stat!”

Okay, she might not have yelled “Stat!” but you get the idea.

As it turned out, Shipoopi’s seizure passed before we were in the car and, after a conversation with our vet the next day, we now have her on anti-seizure meds that are supposed to help. And I hope they help soon because we’re talking three nights in a row!

I don’t write just because of how sad I am for the poor dog but also because of how sad I am for our finances. The ER Vet cost a bundle – a big bundle! I don’t know how much more money we can spend on keeping this dog alive. And this bothers me because I have never been the type of person to advocate spending a bundle on keeping a pet alive. I’m usually the first to say “You can get a new one for far less.”

But love does crazy things to people and Vicky and I love Shipoopi. We must – considering how much we’re spending on her. It’s not really a rational train of thought but sometimes you’re not necessarily rational. You just do what you have to do.

So, Shipoopi is now Seizure Dog and she’ll be on seizure meds for the rest of her little life, however long that is… and I hope it’s a very long time.

Belly button logic...

Ken: If you think about it, your belly button is the youngest part of yourself.


Vicky: (disagreeing) Hair.

Ken: True... and skin... and every cell in your body which is replaced every seven years or so...

...
 
Vicky and I often have conversations like this, as strange as they may sound; I'm just glad I found a woman who speaks the same language as me. :-)

STAR WARS XXX: A PORN PARODY-official trailer

... I suppose it was bound to happen...

One night at the vet…

Shipoopi got sick this week and, of course, getting her better cost way more money than you want to know about – it was way more than I wanted to know about, believe me. Right when we’re getting back on our feet – kapow!

Vicky’s attitude is always, “Pay whatever it takes,” and while mine is more like “I have to pay what?!” I know better than to say that. I just look at Vicky with a smile and sign, sign, sign.

Ugh.

While I was sitting here, thinking about what I should write, I realized just how trite it all sounds. I mean, everyone knows someone who has been through the sick pet/sick child/sick whatever experience. It happens. So, I decided not to dwell too much on that.

There’s something else I wanted to mention, though, and it happened the second morning when we were at the emergency room vet. We had to bring Shipoopi in on Sunday night, which was a holiday, and pick her up the next morning, which was also a holiday – and that made getting her to the regular vet pretty damned interesting, too.

We’re there on Monday morning to pick her up – we were told to get there around 6am and through a series of mishaps stayed until after 9am – and Vicky is telling me about how she has to finish payroll for her employees to get paid. I, having nothing else going on in my life (it’s not like I was going to do any writing that morning or, for that matter, at all that day), said to her, “Go home and do it. I can take care of things here.” After a bit of our usual back and forth, she finally went.

And I was alone.

Inside a crowded pet ER. After a while, after I’d run out of things to kill my boredom (even my phone had died so there went that!), I began actually paying attention to the other people there. And it occurred to me that this is the last thing we do. We’re so isolated from each other, we live our lives as if we’re perpetually inside an elevator; at least, that’s how it seems to me.

I witnessed a family lose their pet. I witnessed two women fear for the health of someone they loved. I shared a moment with another couple of women as we both found ourselves caught in the same process. And it slowly began to dawn on me just how wrong it is that we are all so separated in this experience. There were easily 30-35 people in there and so many of us were distanced.

I wish I could say the experience made me a better person or that I was the person I hope to be. No. Not really. I exchanged a little small talk with the two women whose dog was also sick but that was about it. It did remind me, though, that I need to work harder at that. I tend to instinctively isolate myself and live within my own bubble and, in those instances when I’m sharing an experience with others, I need to remember to step outside that bubble and connect.

That’s all I wanted to say.

A look at ethics...

Here's why I am writing a book on ethics in one photograph.

This plastic display of plastic water bottles (in an office supply store of all places) will still be around (probably in the ocean somewhere) long after you and I are dead and, somehow, our present system of ethics doesn't tell us there's something very wrong here.

Clearly, we need a new system and I look forward to completing this book and sharing a new look at ethics soon.

Assessing and Reassessing for the New Year...

This month's Recovering The Self article comes just in time for the New Year!

http://www.recoveringself.com/guest-blogger/ken-la-salle/assessing-and-reassessing

Digital tunage, CDs, and about time I entered the 21st century…

No, I’m not selling another book… just yet. I know that what this place has been for a while but I’m taking a break… for now. (I would still appreciate if you bought one of my books, of course.)

So, I was out driving the other day, listening to some music when the cd ended. CDs are what I keep my music on. It’s a small, disk-like storage medium, which after the demise of records and tapes, lasted all of a quarter century or so. When I went to eject the disk, my cd player decided it had suffered enough embarrassment at me actually still listening to cds… and promptly died.

Aw.

Recently, I found out that Vicky is giving me an iPod for whatever the hell I celebrate as an atheist – for her, it’s Xmas or some shit – basically, it’s a day we shower each other with gifts. How’s that for an American holiday?

Knowing I was getting an iPod, I realized all my cds were going to become pointless. More than that, I realized I’d have to take each disk, one by one, and load them onto my pc so I could later load their contents onto my iPod… pain in the ass!

So, one by one, I went about it. I loaded music and audiobooks and comedy and spoken word and on and on and everything else until… actually, I’m not even done, yet. But it’s looking like I’m going to end up with 25 days worth of content for my iPod.

Twenty-five days!

Crap.

If you consider that my commute – yes, I got another job in the last few weeks. It’s a part-time tech writing gig but it pays the bills while allowing me to keep working on my writing career. Anyway, if you consider that my commute is 45 minutes long, it’s gonna take a shitload of commute for me to listen to all that shit!

Sounds like fun to me!

Holiday Shopping: A Hex Returns To Rynia...

With the holidays coming, all the Rynia books are available in digital format!


The series concludes (for now) with the final book of the Sons of Rynia trilogy: A Hex Returns to Rynia

In the first two volumes of the Sons of Rynia trilogy (A Hex To Save Rynia and A Hex Beyond Rynia), Tsurtor attacked the realm of Rynia with weapons of magic and technology, scattering its defendants to the winds. How can Tsurtor be defeated when A Hex Returns to Rynia?


You can find A Hex Returns To Rynia for all e-readers:

For the Kindle (and Kindle-app): http://www.amazon.com/Hex-Returns-Rynia-Sons-ebook/dp/B005O0QHX0/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_8

For all e-readers: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/90200

Holiday Shopping: A Hex Beyond Rynia...

With the holidays coming, all the Rynia books are available in digital format!


The series begins with the stand-alone: A Hex Upon Rynia
This is followed by the Sons of Rynia trilogy: A Hex to Save Rynia, A Hex Beyond Rynia, A Hex Returns To Rynia

A Hex To Save Rynia witnessed the first battles in the war between Rynia and its old enemy, Tsurtor. Tsurtor launches that war with devastating effect in the second book of the Sons of Rynia trilogy: A Hex Beyond Rynia.

You can find A Hex Beyond Rynia for all e-readers:
For the Kindle (and Kindle-app): http://www.amazon.com/Hex-Beyond-Rynia-Sons-ebook/dp/B005MGFL0Q/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_3
For all e-readers: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/88008

Holiday Shopping: A Hex To Save Rynia...

With the holidays coming, all the Rynia books are available in digital format!

The series begins with the stand-alone: A Hex Upon Rynia
This is followed by the Sons of Rynia trilogy: A Hex to Save Rynia, A Hex Beyond Rynia, A Hex Returns To Rynia

A Hex Upon Rynia was just the beginning. The Sons of Rynia trilogy kicks off with Tsurtor’s return, dragons, a conspiracy against the king, and a war-ravaged planet. When Hex is imprisoned back on Earth, will there be A Hex To Save Rynia?


You can find A Hex To Save Rynia for all e-readers:
For the Kindle (and Kindle-app): http://www.amazon.com/Hex-Save-Rynia-Sons-ebook/dp/B005I571HM/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_4
For all e-readers: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/82603

Holiday Shopping: A Hex Upon Rynia...

The book that began the Rynia series, A Hex Upon Rynia, is now available as an e-book!


Hex is a wizard unlike any you’ve seen before. He creates living toys from twigs and brings his skates to life! When he mistakenly brings himself and a boy named Vincent to the world of Rynia, however, he’ll need to win a war to get them home again!

You can find A Hex Upon Rynia
For your Kindle (and Kindle-App): http://www.amazon.com/A-Hex-Upon-Rynia-ebook/dp/B004ZZMS24/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_2
And for all e-readers: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/58564

Holiday Shopping: The Incarnations of Death...

Death! Just in time for the holidays!

When Robert Erwon Mitchel finds a way to kill Death, he sets off a chain of events that gives birth to a new breed of superheroes. Now it is up to these heroes - Night Stalker, Fade, and Force - to find a way to stop the insane replacement for Death, one who can wipe out entire cities at a whim and who is hunting down the scientist who killed his predecessor!


Pick up The Incarnations of Death this holiday season
For your Kindle (and Kindle-App): http://www.amazon.com/The-Incarnations-of-Death-ebook/dp/B004XJ4MNU/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_9
Or for all E-Readers: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/54829

Timely Holiday Shopping: The Rohan Scripts...

Here's a blatant ploy in time for the holidays:


The Prophesies of Nicoli Rohano, The Rohan Scripts, were the stuff of legend and were all but lost to history… until now! The Rohan Scripts, the latest sci-fi adventure from Ken La Salle, brings you psychics and scientists, assassination plots and time paradox, with a single man flung through time and recording everything into a book of prognostication called: The Rohan Scripts!

You can find The Rohan Scripts
For your Kindle (and Kindle-app device): http://www.amazon.com/The-Rohan-Scripts-ebook/dp/B004Y752MG/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_10
And for all e-readers: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/56224

Do Something Impossible...

This month on Recovering the Self: Do Something Impossible! (Just click the link to check it out!)

(Yes, I know this was a short entry but - never fear - there's plenty more over at Recovering the Self!)

Holiday Shopping (now with IRONY): Vampire Society...

Who can spot the irony in my suggesting you purchase Vampire Society as a gift this season?


"Vampire Society is a guided tour through the social and political evolution that opened our century. It is a love story and an indictment against our culture of consumption, answering the most important question about love: Is real love possible in the Vampire Society?"

You can find Vampire Society
For Your Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/Vampire-Society-ebook/dp/B0016NACSK/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_11
For All E-Readers: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/52031

Holiday Shopping: A Grand Canyon...

Subtitled, "“How to Meet the Love of Your Life in Five Short Years… and mean it this time!”


This is for anyone curious what life was like before Vicky...

Find it for your Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/Grand-Canyon-Journey-Depression-ebook/dp/B004TGSRGA/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_1
Or for any e-reader: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/52601

Enjoy with my many thanks!

Dear Muppets: We Like You...

So, Vicky and I went out to see The Muppets last night... it wasn't a terrible movie...

But to see the Muppets (or, for that matter, The Muppets) and come out with "It wasn't terrible," is, well, terrible. It's the Muppets, for crying out loud! It should have been great!

It could have been great!

The problem, however, was that the Muppets were so damned insecure - as were the writers, director, and just about everybody. They kept trying to impress on the audience how downright good they are, how wholesome, how much a reminder of a by-gone era. Yes, I get it! The 70's were a simpler time but that doesn't mean you have to suck up so much! We already like you! Just perform!

I kept expecting a commercial for the line of toys, because it kept feeling like the setup for a line of toys.

I'm not saying it was bad. It wasn't. It just wasn't all that good. Next time, maybe the Muppets will have a bit more confidence in themselves. Or maybe they'll just recapture that spirit of going on an adventure without having to constantly comment that they're going on an adventure and doesn't that make this a great opportunity to learn a lesson...

Just go in with your expectations low. They need your support. And maybe a hug.

Holiday Shopping: Evertime and Evermore...

Buy some poetry for Christmas


It's real sweet but not with HFCS (pronounced "Hif-cas")



In Evertime and Evermore, playwright and author Ken La Salle collects some of his favorite poems for the first time. Some were taken from the darkest places from his life, like The Slaughterhouse (It is industry that has a reason in a world of others who wish to slaughter, themselves). Others are far more whimsical (Even organ donors have to face a little rejection. Might as well enjoy yourself a little pickle-type confection).



Pick up Evertime and Evermore

For the Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/Evertime-Evermore-collection-poetry-ebook/dp/B004TGV64A/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_5

Or for all e-readers: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/52257

Death Misses this Christes... mas...

Looking for goofy tales of death this Christmas? Who isn't?!

"These works by Ken La Salle range from the bizarre to the morbid and even further beyond still. In Death Misses and other tales of death, Ken La Salle treats you to a dozen deadly tales to keep you up at night."

Be sure not to miss Death here:
For the Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/Death-Misses-other-tales-ebook/dp/B004URUWN4/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_6
And for all e-readers: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/53208

Holiday Shopping: Blue Food...

If you're looking for the perfect holiday gift, why not try a little Blue Food?

"The works of Ken La Salle range from the bizarre to the whimsical and even further beyond still. In Blue Food and other menu items, Ken La Salle treats you to a dozen tales, hilarious and deeply strange."


You can find Blue Food in digital formats:
For the Kindle: http://www.amazon.com/Blue-Food-other-items-ebook/dp/B004TYYX1A/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_7
And all e-readers: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/51617

Why Demi and Ashton matter to me

Today Demi Moore announced that she would be filing for divorce from Ashton Kutcher. Tonight Ken asked if I cared about this and I told him yes I do. The news of Demi and Ashton’s split matters to me. It should really come as no surprise and here’s why…

It all started on September 24, 2005. You see, this is the day Ken and I were married and this is also the day that Demi and Ashton were married. Over the past six plus years of marriage Ken and I have been the best of friends, we love spending time together and we are each other’s favorite person. Demi and Ashton seemed happy and in love too. They are two people who want for nothing…they are rich and life seems easy for them. Ken and I are far from rich. We’re doing okay, but we’ve had more than our share of challenges. Life has not been easy for us. Yet, we are still together…our marriage is strong. It may not seem like much of a comparison given that most Hollywood marriages don’t last a decade let alone a lifetime, but this is one that we have a connection to, whether or not we want it. Even though they have the “easy life”, Ken and I have something better…our love.

Podcasting…

I’m just going to say this: I want to do a podcast. I really do.

In the last half year or so, I’ve started listening to podcasts and they are a lot of fun. I get more from them than I think I get from TV, mostly because I listen to people who interest me talking about things that interest me.

This past weekend, I recorded my first guest spot on a podcast – and I’ll be sure to post that link once it’s up – and it was tons of fun. It was on Douglas Lain’s terrific Diet Soap podcast. We discussed Climbing Maya and some things about writing and philosophy in general. My next goal is to get on Jackie Kashian’s wonderful Dork Forest podcast – ONE DAY!

And I realize that won’t be enough. I’m a talker and I know I’m going to want to talk on my own podcast one of these days.

I’m just saying… it may happen…

Loving the Dream in this month's Recovering The Self...

My monthly blog post for Recovering the Self is up and ready to share and read. This month is about loving yourself and loving the dream you've chosen for yourself.

You can find it at this link.

I hope you enjoy it.

Keep Wall Street Occupied

Occupying a bit at a time…

With the Occupy Movement so much in the news, I figured this might be a good time to weigh in again.

As you might know, I was at Occupy OC and marched with them last weekend. It came at a brutal time in my own life, so I thought it might be good to get outside my life a bit and help out where I could – and I did – unfortunately, though, I was too troubled by my own shit to really get into it, so I ended up just going through the motions. In the end, I’m glad I was part of it but wish I had done more.

Since then, of course, several things have happened with the Occupy Movement – many arrests, police brutality, the shooting of Scott Olsen – all in response to peaceful protests, to people simple exercising their first amendment rights.

And in my own life, I’ve had to deal with people who oppose the Occupy Movement – not because they can find anything about it they disagree with but because they have been told, through some mass media or peer pressure, that it would be cool to do so. And this just blows me away. Here is a movement that is peacefully assembling (despite the over-reaction of the police...) to affect political change in an environment where neither major political party will do the right thing for the 99% of citizens with the least economic and political influence. And, yet, they can’t be bothered. This is a movement that is speaking out against responsible people losing their homes. And, yet, they can’t empathize. This is a movement that is speaking against an economic system that refuses to do anything for the millions who have lost their jobs. And, yet, they refuse to care. This is a movement that is asking those in power to stop lying about global climate change and do something about it. And, yet, they don’t seem to think it affects them personally. This is a movement speaking out against the greatest wealth disparity in our country in over a century. And, yet, they don’t see what this has to do with them. This is a movement that is asking for banking regulation, which kept the economy steady until repealed a piece at a time since the 1980s, to be reinstated. And they refuse to understand what this means. This is a movement that is asking that the wealthiest 1% - multi-millionaires - be asked to once again pay their fair share of taxes, something they haven't had to do for decades. And, yet, they side with those who aren’t paying their share. The fact is the Occupy Movement is standing up for a lot more to help those who need it most. Standing against the Occupy Movement is like cheering for the boot pressing down on your own head.

These people say that it’s not as though they don’t understand the reason for protest but they don’t agree exactly 100% with the protesters. As if you must agree exactly 100%. As if you would ever agree with anything 100%. As if nothing is valid unless you agree exactly 100% with it. As if it’s better to side with those against your own self-interests, than to side with anything you agree with 99%.

Then, too, are the folk who parrot back to me the idiotic reasons they’ve been told they should dismiss the protests. “Those people have money,” they say, as if you can’t have a cent and still retain empathy for your fellow man. “Those people own things,” they say, and I wonder what they would say if the protesters were bare-ass naked. The thing is, it’s a false equivalency. And I’ve heard this from other morons as well, this insistence that you can’t challenge the status quo unless you are somehow removed from it – no property, no wealth, no trappings of any kind connected with modern society – or else you’re just as bad as the worse perpetrators. This is clearly nonsense, because the last protesters who went out without any connections were tarred as dirty hippies.

Simply, these people find it easier to fear change and fear what it will take to create change – and here’s hoping Scott Olsen and other victims of police brutality pull through – than to stand up for change. And that’s not right. Listen, I’m no saint and I certainly wasn’t the best protester at Occupy OC. I could have done better. But I’m not going to sit by and listen to you talk crap about something you refuse to understand or that you understand but refuse to stand up for. I’m doing what I can and you should, too.

Will you be in New York on 10/24?...

I won't be. I'll still be in California. But if you are, you might want to check out my comedy Murielle's Big Date, which is getting a staged reading at the HorseTrade Theater in New York City, off-Broadway.

... and let me know how it goes! (Really wish I could be there....)

And so I reach 46…

It’s been a hell of a year. I sold a book and had the publisher go belly-up… I found an agent… I had plays produced and read throughout California… and, of course, couldn’t find a job to save my life…

Now, here I am at 46. If I were to live to be 90, I would officially be in the second half of my life. (Actually, I would have been a year ago…) So, as far as my body goes, it’s all downhill from here.

I’m hoping this year works out a little better. I’m knee deep in research for my book on ethics right now and hoping I finish it before 2012. I’d like to hammer out another novel and a couple more plays. Mostly, I’d like things to be a bit more clear and a bit less desperate. I hate living in the fear that we could lose our house any day and I hate not being able to make any damned money.

I’ll keep working, though, and keep trusting in the abilities that got me here, for good or ill. I’ve had too much success to consider myself completely incompetent and not enough to think I’m that great.

Mostly, I guess I’m just hoping for a bit of luck.

… we’ll see…

Occupy Wall Street - statements from and about...

Hey folks,

I mentioned Occupy Wall Street a while back and I think it's important to follow up. The fact of the matter is if you are not one of the richest 1% in this country, they are on your side, fighting for your rights, and therefore you should support the Occupy movements wherever they are.

I have been trying to find a way to make it to Occupy LA but, logistically, it just won't work. Reality dictates that I keep looking for work over here. But Vicky and I have talked about this and, if things change, I will go and I'll keep you posted on that.

In the meantime, Occupy Wall Street has released its first statement and I think it's important that it gets out. It verbalizes the hopes and endeavours of these good people as they stand up before the heartless corruption of a very small minority. Here, then, is their statement (taken from Daily Kos):

Declaration of the Occupation of New York City



As we gather together in solidarity to express a feeling of mass injustice, we must not lose sight of what brought us together. We write so that all people who feel wronged by the corporate forces of the world can know that we are your allies.


As one people, united, we acknowledge the reality: that the future of the human race requires the cooperation of its members; that our system must protect our rights, and upon corruption of that system, it is up to the individuals to protect their own rights, and those of their neighbors; that a democratic government derives its just power from the people, but corporations do not seek consent to extract wealth from the people and the Earth; and that no true democracy is attainable when the process is determined by economic power. We come to you at a time when corporations, which place profit over people, self-interest over justice, and oppression over equality, run our governments. We have peaceably assembled here, as is our right, to let these facts be known.


They have taken our houses through an illegal foreclosure process, despite not having the original mortgage.


They have taken bailouts from taxpayers with impunity, and continue to give Executives exorbitant bonuses.


They have perpetuated inequality and discrimination in the workplace based on age, the color of one’s skin, sex, gender identity and sexual orientation.


They have poisoned the food supply through negligence, and undermined the farming system through monopolization.


They have profited off of the torture, confinement, and cruel treatment of countless nonhuman animals, and actively hide these practices.


They have continuously sought to strip employees of the right to negotiate for better pay and safer working conditions.


They have held students hostage with tens of thousands of dollars of debt on education, which is itself a human right.


They have consistently outsourced labor and used that outsourcing as leverage to cut workers’ healthcare and pay.


They have influenced the courts to achieve the same rights as people, with none of the culpability or responsibility.


They have spent millions of dollars on legal teams that look for ways to get them out of contracts in regards to health insurance.


They have sold our privacy as a commodity.


They have used the military and police force to prevent freedom of the press.


They have deliberately declined to recall faulty products endangering lives in pursuit of profit.


They determine economic policy, despite the catastrophic failures their policies have produced and continue to produce.


They have donated large sums of money to politicians supposed to be regulating them.


They continue to block alternate forms of energy to keep us dependent on oil.


They continue to block generic forms of medicine that could save people’s lives in order to protect investments that have already turned a substantive profit.


They have purposely covered up oil spills, accidents, faulty bookkeeping, and inactive ingredients in pursuit of profit.


They purposefully keep people misinformed and fearful through their control of the media.


They have accepted private contracts to murder prisoners even when presented with serious doubts about their guilt.


They have perpetuated colonialism at home and abroad.


They have participated in the torture and murder of innocent civilians overseas.


They continue to create weapons of mass destruction in order to receive government contracts.*


To the people of the world,


We, the New York City General Assembly occupying Wall Street in Liberty Square, urge you to assert your power.


Exercise your right to peaceably assemble; occupy public space; create a process to address the problems we face, and generate solutions accessible to everyone.


To all communities that take action and form groups in the spirit of direct democracy, we offer support, documentation, and all of the resources at our disposal.

Join us and make your voices heard!

If Atheism is a Religion, I have a banana in my ear…

There’s a new meme going around that, somehow, Atheism is a religion.

I’d like to refute this claim with a simple analogy. Religion is like compulsively shoving a banana in your ear. Atheists recognize this and point out the fact that there’s no need to shove a banana in your ear. Claiming that atheism is a religion is comparable to replying, “Oh, yeah? Well, you’re shoving a banana in your ear, too,” even though atheists are, in fact, not.

Here is a simpler analogy. Religion is wishing/praying to a non-existent being for stuff you want. Atheists recognize this and point out the fact that there’s no need to wish/pray. It’s silly. And it’s ludicrous on the face of it to say, “Oh, yeah? Well, you pray, too,” because, no, we don’t.

To claim that atheism is a religion is to expose a central weakness in religion: that everyone else must be just as stupid as you.

And we’re not.

Ken meets… the baby…

All my life, people have said to me that I’d make a good father one day. This was usually said by parents. They’d hold their kids far out of my reach and say, “Don’t worry, Ken. You’ll make a great father one day.” Okay, maybe they wouldn’t hold the kids out of reach but I did notice their sentiment always twinged with a hint of “Of course, I’m only telling you this because of how pathetic you look. How much longer are you going to wait, anyway?”

Kids have never really been a priority for me and, until Vicky came along, weren’t something I ever really thought would happen. But Vicky did come along and we got very serious about the whole thing, which is to say lots of fucking.

… But, no baby.

Recently, Vicky became an aunt and has been really enjoying aunt-li-hood-ed-ness…

We watched the little rugrat this past weekend for a couple of hours. Now, let me preface this by saying “Cutest Kid Ever”. Seriously, Vicky’s niece is just lovely. Okay?

We got in. The parents took off. And… wailing. Hours of wailing. The kid decided to hit us right upside the head with separation anxiety. “Where’s my momma? Where’s my god-damned mooma? WHERE THE FUCK IS MY FUCKING MOTHER,” the child seemed to want to know.

And I realized in the midst of all this that I missed my window for being a great father. I realized this because
And for Vicky, who was still holding out some hope of us having a child, this wasn’t exactly the best card I could have played. I did worse than just informing her that her husband wasn’t quite suited for parenthood; I also reminded her that things just don’t look good.

At this point, I did a little wailing of my own. On the inside. I hate disappointing Vicky more than anything else and really felt like I’d just crushed her dream. That night, she was reminded of what kind of guy she married: not the right one. This is not to say that we’ll split up but, rather, that relationships are often cast in sharp relief and we are sometimes a bit too harshly of the bad that comes with the good. It may not all be my fault but even if just one night was enough to make Vicky sad, well, that sucked.

Sometimes we don’t win. We don’t get what we want. Our dreams don’t come true. But I love you, Vic. And I’m sorry things haven't worked out the way we wanted them to. But I do love you.